definition of life according to emma

It's October Already Isnt It???

2009-10-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

Waw...for such a long tyme in my life i havnt wrote in my blog...too busy wif school...huhuhu...im sorry cuz i kinda neglect dis place dat had becoming my addiction once upon a tyme b4...sorry blog...hehehe...

Updates???Hurm...lots of it...lots of changes in life...lots of dramatic things happened in my life...i regret some of my stupidness n im blisfull wif some parts of my life...problems come and go...my 4th sem in UiTM Shah Alam???well...more of ups n downs...luckily i have cool classmates dat keep me happy n witty all the tyme...if x i'll kill myself for sure...hahahaa!!!

Frens???Hw can i described them???some are ok n some are x but mostly not...i had dis fucking huge fight for almost 1 month wif a fren...now i released dat i cant life w/out him...we're ok nw but it did bring a big impact in our frenship...we're more apart den bt it's ok...i've learnt 4rm my mistake...

My other frens???problems too but im sure we all can get through it...THINK WIF OUR BRAIN AND NOT OUR HEART...im sure we cn get through...

Final is just around d corner...i hope i'll do well...huhu...go emma!!!

I Really Should Have Listen to My Mummy...

2009-04-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

My mum told me few weeks before that I shouldnt be too close with a somebody. I was like defending myself and him. She told me that I should kinda have gabs with him. Now, I believe her. I think she's right. Just so damn right. Ive started to realise something has to be done. Mummy was always right.

I've realized something. I should have not be too close with him. Too much things had been said and done between me and him. I think I should step back a bit. Recently, I just want to scream to his face and make him realized he hurts me too damn much.

Things like too much excuses, too much I have other plans, all those lies and all those blank promises. That is so selfish dude. Go. Go and have fun with your friends that seems to be there with you when you really need help. Let us see whether you can live without me.

OMG! I've been there for you in too many ways. I've given too much because you have a special place in my heart. What the hell am I thinking? I think I have to think back on this one because you seems to take all of it for granted.

I just wanna say thanks to my mum. She made me realize this one. Thanks mummy and I love you! And to this dear friend, sorry dude. Case seems to be closed and I guess everything will be different for you.

In few days time (when I'm ready to let you go), there will be no more goodnite textes, how's your day greetings, plans of going out and all of the things we used to do before. I'm just too bored with all of it already.

I'll leave you just to see if we're both better without each other. In my opinion, there will be not even a single person that will do what I've done with you. I'm so sorry of letting you suffer like this and I believe you have better people around you. You'll forget me fast actually. Trust me.

a simple note for everyone

2009-04-19T04:46:00.000-07:00

__frens, gudluck for final exams guys...we can do it...may God's blessing be with us...amen__

++dearest ogy, happy bday in advance...luv u till death...keep up dos stupid,crazee jokes k???luv u sweetheart++

__my family in miri...i mish all of u n i cant wait to be home!!!ai!!!__

++to myself...emma, boleh tu...usaha lebih ckit...gear up babe!!!luv u emma!!!++

__my BSS family (shah alam + kedah) again, all the best for final n study smart ya guys...my hsemates...let us burn the night oil n candles...hehehe...bising2 pn x pa...my lalink sae n frens in kedah...cant wait for u guys...buat betul2 tau...__

++huhu...i'll x be writing dis blog for a long tyme ltr...final exam is just in 2 days tyme...OMG!!!tyme flies kan???huhu...i wish i can do my best...++

__im so much in troubles actually but i kinda settled some of it...thanks 2 all yg involved...my frens n 'fiance'...terima kasih kamu semua...__

++this year seems to suck so damn much...i hope after half year pass i'll be ok...x more unwanted problems n all...pray hard to God...++

__i think i'll better stop nw...im gonna mish writing lar~ hua hua hua...bubye!!!__

++out!!!++

going back to where i really belong

2009-04-11T03:19:00.000-07:00

im so excited lar!!!i finally can say IM COMING BACK HOME!!!i mish dem so damn much bha...believe it or not it's been i dunno maybe 4 months or 5 since i last met them...only God noes hw much i cant wait 2 get home n i wana kacau edgar(yup...yg tdo ni edgar) n wana go jln2 wif him...wait a mok...im coming back 4 revenge!!!hahaha!!!

and dis 1 of coz...dat always drive me off the walls!!!i mish his innocentness...Gosh~ i really cant wait!!!mesti he gemuk sdh nw...:P

my new angel...Joycelyn...huhu...aunty misses u so much dear!!!i noe u're a big girl odi!!!sob3~~~really n seriously cant wait 2 hold her in my arms!!!arrghh!!!i hate dis feeling!!!

and of coz...dis crazy buddies!!!mick,olive n my dearest toi!!!apu...seriously!!!!!!!!knapa bha begitu lma!!!!i wanna hug dem all!!!i'll be going back 2 miri dis 9th May 2009...im looking 4ward 2 meet ALL of dem...my anak2 n cuzzies lain...i texted my cuzzies straight away after i confirmed my ticket...:D

so...Miri...here i come!!!

xoxo!!!

p/s: b4 dat menderita dlu 4 final!!!arrghh!!!tension lg!!!

bila org cakap buruk pasal org yg kta plg syg

2009-04-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

i was having dis phone conversation wif a girl yg mengaku dia ex-gf my close fren...sengaja sy srh dia brcrita pjg lebar...byk bnda yg sy fikir dia tipu sy sbb pa yg she told me 2 mmg mcm bkn btul sbb my dear fren x buat pn bnda2 mcm 2...all i noe is dia mmg akn respect org...girls especially...selama sy knl dgn dia, he nvr does nythng yg bleh buat me hilang respect wif him...

maybe dia jahat in certain ways dlu...i admit dis...bt x penah terlintas pn dlm my mind yg dia akn bwa pompuan msk bilik dia n buat bnda yg bukan2...i noe kalau pn dia sgt2 syg org tu, he x kn buat mcm tu...i evr went 2 his hse n hang out bt xda la smpi mcm 2...he pn slalu g my hse siap stay over lg...klau dia btl2 jht,lma sdh dia buat jht to me kan?lma kot sy knal dia...tell me mna tmpt yg kmi x penah pegi brsama alone...dia x penah over2 n i noe 4rm dat he's a gud guy...klau dgn me he can buat mcm tu, knapa dia x bleh respect org len kan?

in my opinion, dis girl frust sbb dia xdpt a gud relationship wif him...dia yg buat hal n nw x nak mengaku but dats their past...all i wana noe is knapa dia suka libatkn dis guy in any matters...geram oo sy...adakah ptt she said lyke dat...smpi dia ckp phone number dia pn kna reg under my fren's name...huuhuu...grow up will u bt as if i care if she tipu me bt pentingkah if u tell me?bukan ada effect pn dgn sy...ko yg nmpknya kenot buang him 4rm ur life...

maybe jg dia mk buat me jeles kot memandangkn byk bnda she said mesti psl my close fren...dia ckp she broke up wif her bf pn psl him,dia pnya num pn reg under my fren's name, her 2st luv pn him, bla bla bla...huuhuu...if she nak tau, nuthng will makes me hilang my trust n respect to him cuz i noe he's a great n noble guy...dia byk bg me courage in life 2 keep me go on dr smua aspects...if org tu x buat buruk dgn kita,buat pa kan we wanna jht2 wif dem?

I NEED ADVICE AND RESPECT

2009-03-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

I duno whr I should begin. My life now is quit miserable. Maybe I was the one yg create all the problems and mess. Skrg nie maybe klau ada yg perasan, Im more alone n I seldom talk. Sy berfikir bha tu. Klau di rumah, I kinda dlm bilik and all. If outside I'll be alone too. I need time alone and think. Mcm2 jd skrg nie. Byk gila my personal problems now. I hope i can cope up wif all of it. I need advice actually from all of you. I really feel I'm in the middle of nowhere now.

1st, my family problem. Ive just lost my 1st grandson yesterday. I still cant believe I had a grandson tapi sy ttp terima dia but belum smpt jumpa lg, he passed away already. Dahlah post morterm x dpt buat cepat2, kesian budak tu. Baru jak 9 days old. Kesian. May God blessed his soul. Remember dear, eventho 'nenek' x pernah jmpa kmu and i dunno ur name but I'll always remember you cuz u've been part of us. Amen.

2nd, still my family problem. I duno wht 2 say 2 her. Dia yg plg rapat wif me la if my cuzzen yg pompuan. Kmi2 ja msa tu. She's 5 years older den me. She told me about another cuzzen yg pernah couple dgn dia dlu2. Ingat lg sy msa tu, I was the 'akak postman'. Heehee. Dia ni cuzzen belah my mum pnya datuk n d guy is 1 of our relatives la. Sma kpg. Rumah dia sebelah rmh kmi. Long story short. He left her for anothr woman. Now, after few years, he told my other cuzzen yg dia menyesal kawin wif d wife. He menyesal kasi tinggal c Adel. After dos fucking years bha, anak dah 3 org bru tau menyesal? Jenis lelaki apakah itu kwn2? He left her when she really need him last time. My cuzzen told him dat pa guna nak menyesal skrg nie? Dua2 dah ada keluarga sendiri. Biarlah pa yg dey pernah kongsi jd sweet memories. Mmg betul kan pa dia ckp? She asked me bout dis. I said yeah, she was right. I told her she didnt lost nythng. My othr cuzzen yg rugi. Adel baik sgt2 dgn dia. She even waited 4 him for like few years tp he blum lg nmpk pa2. I hope ive given d correct advice. Korg agree x?

3rd, my own personal problem. Ntah knp I feel i wanna share it wif all of u. I noe u guys tau kan siapa lelaki yg plg rapat wif me? I think x perlu la sy mention sapa but i noe u guys noe sapa ait? For me he's my mirror. Dia btl2 reflect me. He noes my way of thinking. Yup. Mmg sy syg dia. Sy syg dia mcm sy syg Jonat n Georgy. Tapi I dun understand y people x phm our situation. Tolonglah phm bleh ka? I dun hve my bestfrens wif me hre. Dats y i turn 2 him on everythng. Skati jak ckp yg bukan2 psl kmi. Kmi pn ada perasaan bha. Jgn la buat mcm tu. Maybe korg nmpk kmi slalu bersama so u guys assume we have dis special romance feelings n romantic relationship but actually xda. Kmi rapat as gud frens. Kmi even more den bestfrens. Mmg our relationship xda mcm kwn n we both admit it kmi mmg mcm couple sbb we're both comfortable wif each others n we share everythng. Maybe salah us oso kot but apa slh kmi? Dari dlu lg kmi mcm tu. Hw can we change our relationship? Kmi ignore n pekakkn our telinga tp d more we buat mcm tu, d more u guys seems 2 disrespect our feelings. Ok lg if bnda nie between kita kwn2 BUT nw mcm smua org dh ingt kmi as couple. We both dun wan our parents fikir lain2 sbb our parents tau kmi sgt2 rapat. Just dat jgn bcuz of dis rumours since dlu2 yg x penah lapuk n nw makin truk, kmi pnya relationship kna ruin. We will nvr salahkn ourselves but always remember kmi mmg akan salahkn c pembawa mulut2 ini. I need ur respect n advice on dis matter. Tolong us k? Hentikan smua nie sbb kmi pn ada perasaan. Tolong sebarkan kesakitan hati kmi ini kpd rakan2, kwn2,teman2 dan yg seangkatan ya agar kmi dpt hidup dgn tenang.

4th, disebabkan bnda yg atas nie, I kinda distance myself wif a guy. I noe sum of u duno bout Jay. Long story short. Kmi prnh ada relationship. I just dun wanna think bout nie lg actually but faith brings me to him again. Tapi lepas pa yg jd di atas, sy ckp psl dia pn mcm x guna. U guys seem to dun understand bha. I'm trying my best 2 stay wif Jay n open my heart dkt dia tp korg ckp len plak. Masih lg ckp psl me dgn org len. Korg even x caya i was wif Jay n dis effect my relationship wif him. N now wana noe wht my decision is? To stay wif wht i hve nw. Im leaving Jay. Hw can I stay in a relationship if bnda2 len ada menganggu? Fikir2 la korg. Sy syg dia tp if dia dpt tau psl rumours nie, siapa yg kna? Of coz me n d innocent party kan? Org2 yg menyebarkn rumours? U guys get nuthng. We both yg akan kna. Untuk save both my relationships, I hve to stay frens wif both. Did i did a right thing?

the story so far

2009-03-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

hey!!! its thursday nite and i just wanna update all of you bout my pending stuff!!!hehehe....so far so good guys!!!

okay...first thing first...

1. buy n post my dad's punya pesanan
__havent yet!!!no tyme...seriously!!!___
2. post back my car's doc to miri
__yes...ill be going 2 d post office 2morrow wif daryl__
3. buat my drama's both literature and mandarin scripts
__passed up literature's n mandarin 1 blum abz lg...ok la...ada progress__
4. finish my BEL's outline
__done!!!claps2!!!__
5. revision for my mandarin
__mcm cilaka!!!i did badly!!!:(( repeat la aku nie...__
6. assignment politics
__tinggal nak buat lg__

next...my plan...

1. starts a termendously healthy diet
__berjaya tapi nw tgh mkn fries...hahaha!!!__
2. be serious in my study
__masih blom menyesal...:(__
3. attend all my classes
__ive skipped my admin's class...so stupid__
4. if can i wanna let God decide wht will actually happen to me n him
__ada sign but coudnt get it cuz he keeps on texting me...apakah itu???__

im burning my weekends dis week...i'll be having my criminal's test dis coming saturday n im gonna be at intec sec 17 for lex familia day dis sunday...:( mesti penat...

next week pula:

1. replacement for criminal - monday
2. BEL's presentation...monday kna jmpa mdm bharjan tuk discuss outline...
3. mandarin listening and writing test...mampus la aku...

i'll write more later ok???chao...:)
wish me luck!!!

A More Serious Life

2009-03-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

huhu...in a month time, i will not be enjoying my life as i am nw...:D ye lar...its final odi...i dunno actually pa sbnrnya yg me merepek dis...all i noe im still x in d mood of doing any revision but i noe i must starts from now...

i have lots n lots of stuff to do n it's still pending...:( sad sad sad...wanna cry ja bila me ingat!!!Lord in heaven...please help me...amen...terasa betul odi final dh staring at me...

my pending things to do n wht i should do next week:
1. buy n post my dad's punya pesanan (since january...sorry daddy...)
2. post back my car's doc to miri (i'll be posting it n MUST post it next week)
3. buat my drama's both literature and mandarin scripts <--penangguhan yg TERLAMPAU...
4. finish my BEL's outline (due this wednesday)
5. revision for my mandarin (test dis coming THURSDAY)
6. assignment politics (OMG!!!aku blum dpt question dia lagi)
__i promise to finish ALL of the above by dis coming week...wish me luck k???__

next...my plan after next week...kalau can la...mmg berharap sangat2...*crossing fingers* :
1. starts a termendously healthy diet (im starting now but blum ketat sgt)
2. be serious in my study (NO MORE FOOLING AROUND) starts getting 2 gear 3 odi...finals later masuk gear 5...dun mess wif me ok???
3. attend all my classes...(notes in EVERY CLASS...jangan tidur lagi in E&T's class...x more joking around in Admin's class...BEL...jangan main2 lg...)
4. if can i wanna let God decide wht will actually happen to me n him...give me another sign...i need it Lord...biar pa pun yg akan jadi, i'll accept it with open heart...:) amen...
__conclusion: GET SERIOUS EMMA!!! __

[i'll keep you guys updated if i managed to finish and achieve my goals k???wish me luck!!!xoxo]

thank you!!!

2009-03-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

+ never thought i would celebrate my bday with 3 parties...
yup...on my bday(lunch and dinner )
the next day again wif rai n frens or can i say my 2nd family???ahaha!!!
thanks ya u guys... a lot i mean...:D
luv u guys till death!!!

+ i wanna say thanks to:

1. family in miri...
__mummy...luv u so much...thanks 4 all d green lights!!!sayang u so much mummy__
__daddy...mish u love!!!dad!!!i'm still ur lil girl...jgn risau...thanks 4 all d love...mish u dad...i mish all dos butterfly kisses n dos warm hugs...mo nangis me day!!!__
__edgar n derek...sister luv u both...i'll give u guys d whole world if i hve to do so...ed,thanks 4 d cute song!!!mish u mok!!!__
__aunties n uncles...thanks ya!!!u guys mmg cool!!!cuzzies!!!superb thanks!!!mish u all!!!__
__nenek!!!me mish u!!!__

2. my hsemates(enong,ogy,veron n ivy)
__saya sayang korg...byk u guys buat tuk me...im sorry if i've ever hurt all of u...__
__enong: thanks 4 de barbie doll...sa ska...:D kim slm wif freddy k???__
__ogy:thanks 4 d cake...:D syg ko dear...__
__veron:sa syg ko jg...thanks 4 d kisses...:P pizza oso...__
__ivy:shit!!!u bought me dat book???OMG!!!mo menangis me!!!thanks love___

3. my sister, elisa...
__u r d coolest!!!send my kisses 2 abg max oso k???eventho we x ikut plan tu but i really2 menghargai d approval...thanks max...thanks 4 d trust uve given 2 me...ej...thank you dear...ko mmg best___

4. daryl~ku...
__u r so damn sporting!!!dats wht me syg u sesangat...thanks 4 all dos time...eventho ko mmg2 busy n all...sorry if i screamed,mad n fight wif u...thanks 4 d session..if x mmg me still x trust u lg...__

5. raiville, the belated bday girl...
__happy bday my sister in christ...hahaha!!!best kan our cake???thanks 4 d party too rai...me luv u till death...next year we buat lg k???ahahaa!!!dis tyme mesti yg btl2 cool pnya...__

6. nick, my bro...
__thank you bro...same...u r also like ur bro...korg mmg la...aish...duno wht 2 say la...thanks 2 ur dad oso...dia pn kira sporting oso...gud luck 4 ur pilot thingy k???ur my one of my best bros...__

7. aloy, my lalink!!!
__sayam...terima kasih darla...adikku...sa syg ko...u're always thr 4 me x matter wht happen...u r d perfect gift 4 me...walaupn poket kering n kaki sakit...u're still thre!!!__

8. darren my abg...
__eventho ko lmbt but u still come...thanks abg...wish u well in d ps2 game!!!go darren!!!xoxo!!!thanks aa ko jaga us since dkt kedah lg...thanks abg!!!__

9. rai's hsemates...
__u guys pn ROXS!!!cool ok!!!mmg best la!!!thanks korg!!!__

10. azad, danial, afif n ur fren...hehe...duno his name ma...so sorry...
__hehehe...thanks ya!!!eventho me hang2 dat tyme...thanks 4 d 5 mins jmpa2 n gelak2...jan kasitau org k???ahax!!__

11.my frens...
__jane,ayen,georgy n all: thanks 4 d bday wishes k???me luv u all...thanks ya korg...__
__my frens yg wished me thro texts,wishes 4rm fs n fb,wishes yg cakap2 tu...thanks ya!!!ingat jg korg me...thanks you guys!!!syg korg jg...__

12. sapa lg ek???ooo...every1 lar k???
__my juniors yg wished me...thanks u guys...me ingat jg kt korg...syg my adik2...sherer,ryn,rahimi,khairil n all...__

lame excuses and bullshits!!!

2009-03-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

My parents always told me to be good and nice to people around me...love them as much as you love yourself...never make them feel down...they are parts of you...give them the best out of you...

Last few days, this phrase keeps playing in my mind...i have time for people around me...i have time for my family, my bestfriends, my good friend, my 2nd family and my friends...they are part of me...when they need me i'll always be there for them even if im too busy with my own jobs, problems and all...i'll always say, " yeah...sure...i'll be there..." , "okay...what time???" , " i'll be there in no time"...even if im superb busy, i'll always be there also... i'll say, "i'll be there but i'll be a bit late..." or just a short "ok"... as far as i know and remember, i never turn them down yet...did i ever???if i have, please let me know okay???

Now, i have this really bad feeling in me...i start to think and feel the most important individuals seems to forget a person name Emma in their life dictionary...where are you when i really need all of you???i dont need lots of time from all of you...i just want a little ibsy bitsy, tiny little time from you...just an hour...most is only two hours...what did you guys tell me???bullshits and dumb stupid lame excuses...why cant you give me that???OMG!!!im so selfish but i need to spend bit of time also ait with people that i care the most???i deserve it...did i ever give those damn lame bullshits???if i have, please let me know okay???

If you wanna what i really want right now for my birthday, i just need TIME...a bit of time from all of you especially my LOVE ONES...

my birthday wish(es actually)...hahax!!!

2009-03-05T07:52:00.001-08:00

1. aloy playing his violin for me...
> boleh ka tu???hurm... <

2. more tyme 4rm my frens on my bday...
> rozy's job tu kumpul dem...lame excuses n bullshits r x anymore accepted... <

3. veron's job...
> she noes wht she's supposed 2 do...hehehe(evil's laugh) <

4. more money 4rm my daddy...
> i wanna go buy bha dat books!!! just rm80 only bha... <

5. him...:P
> still crossing my fingers tho but its like way too impossible... <

6. Man Utd wins d match against Liverpool dis coming saturday...
> dats my bet okay...if x truk me dis... <

7. well...actually i want my guy frens 2 cook 4 me...:)
> hehe...i still remember dis 1 okay...tersenyum simpul lg mereka ktika me ask dem dis last month <

8. i wanna eat vogok, bereq, as in short pig...
> ooopppssss!!!!!!!OMG!!! <

9. a confession session wif my close ones...
> dun ask me y but i just wanna do...its like ages since i had it wif u guys... <

10. beach!!!
> i mish penang...:( <

the one i once loved and the one i learn to love

2009-02-27T10:12:00.000-08:00

LOVE...

what is love???love brings lots of meaning and every individual in this world has their own definition for love...what does love really means???well...it depends...Love is not a single feeling but an emotion built from two or more feelings...love is God...love is friendship...love is patient...love is kind..it has no envy nor it boasts itself and it is never proud...it rejoices over the evil and is the truth seeker...

i fall in love for the first time when i was back way too young to understand the meaning of love and it was something that was really inspiring...he was my motivation...i was so pathetic back then...he was seriously my first love...it was in 2000 when i first fall for someone very dear and his name was Shane Steven Filan... :)

yup yup...believe me...i was too naive...too dump...hahaha!!!he has the voice of an angel for me...his voice can just make me fly high...i was totally too over him...i cant sleep at night without listening to him singing to me at night...my family knew bout me addicted to him and they well...just smiled and he's my shining star at that time...i have a secret actually...i really hope one sweet day(and i prayed hard okay) i'll finally meet him and he can sing for me...fingers still crossed till now...haha!!!

as time past by...things changed but i was still in love with him...i was left heartbroken in 2003, 28 December to be exact when he got married to his childhood friend by the name of Gillian Walsh...waw!!!there you go...i've lost my favourite pearl and i dont even know if i can find another one as priceless as he is...LOL~seriously and frankly speaking i really hate that date till now...it reminds me of my past...but still i listened to his voice singing to me every now and then until once again i got hit with a news...he's a daddy already on 23 July 2005 to Nicole Rose Filan...it was a turning point for me...hahaha!!!i felt all those walls were falling upon me and i was stupidly shocked...

i know i seriously sound stupid and full of imaginations but he carved tonnes of memories in me especially during my childhood days...i grew up with his music and everything...he kinda made me the person who im really am now...listening to him through his music teaches me the true meaning of love from songs that he and his lads are singing...i learnt the definition of love,hurt and joy through their songs...

after all those stupid incidents, i betrayed him and the lads...he became someone that i no longer listen to...he still stays in my heart but only as a Westlifer...i listen to other music, people and songs...i kill the feeling of love to him...i seriously seldom listen to him anymore...

after few years of recovering, i can say that im okay and he is still my idol actually...he has two kids by now...a couple...Patrick Michael Filan was born on 15 September 2008...i was kinda happy for him...i can say he's a great father actually by the pictures that i've seen but still he a great male singer to me...in fact i start to listen to him again this year (2009) and can proudly say that im still aspire by his voice even after 9 years of listening to him...i still have his pictures in my laptop and everything...

Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro came in the picture when i was in the process of healing, a friend of mine actually gave me a newspaper cutting on him...it was 4 years ago...his portfolio was quite impressive and i goggled on him after that...my first opinion bout him???he's talented and quite good looking...LOL~ i started to let and teach myself to fall for him...hard though but he's too hot not to fall for...

he's actually a great role model in life because he achieved lots of success in his life (i know he'll achieve more in future) and he never gives up...he keeps on trying and that's the spirit that makes me learn to love him...it's not all about his looks and personality...i dont really care about his personal life because i know he's a casanova...hahaha!!!

it's not that im looking for now but im looking for someone who i can look up to in life...his spirit and determination gives me something new in making myself a better person...he worked hard for who he is now and i know i need to be like him too in order to be a successful person...

he is truly actually my valentine because he makes me smile again and i thanked him for that but dont worry shane...you'll always have a special place in my heart...the most important thing is that i've learn both falling in love and to learn to love...

the reason why i posted this post is because people around me keep asking me why im totally looking up to both of them...well, now you guys know why right???this is my secret and im still proud to say that both of them are one of the most successful personalities in their own fields...

once my friends asked me who's the person i fall in love with and the person i learn to love...this is my answer and i know you guys guess it's somebody else...hahaha!!!the person i once fall in love with is Mr. Filan and the person i learn to love is actually my Mr. Aveiro...

too late or too dumb or too stupid???

2009-02-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

i duno if ive been too nice...

yeah~

he made me cry again...

i was quit happy wif my day 2day cuz:

a. i wore my fav colour 2 class
b. i have had d sweetest dreams
c.i attended all 5 of my classes
d. i found my phone again

all dos happiness just flushed away like a shattered dreams in just a single second...

i was too gud till i evn shared every single best moments in my life wif him...

yet wht did i got???nuthng!!!

i guess dats wht people really are...

once, i was thr as d most important individual...

in just a minute, im just no one...

just an ordinary people dat walk in his life n walk back out...

waw!!!

whr am i???

who am i???

an individual dat uve been toying wif ait???

watever...

all i wish 4 nw are:

1. i wish i can turn back tyme n i havnt shared too much memories wif him

2. i wish he doesnt even exist in my life

3. i wish i can hve sumsort of memory lost cuz it will be better 4 me to erase all ive share wif him

but stupidly i still pray every single moment in every minute dat a miracle will happen between me n him...

im so fcuking restless n im tired of all dis game...

Lord, family n frens...plz help me...amen...

the day i lost my phone and the truth that shattered my heart

2009-02-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

06.02.09

this will be the date that i will remember for the rest of my life...

1. the day i lost my cellphone(my phone yg kecil tu with my celcom's number...sob3)

2. the day that God's showed me the two paths in my life...

i dont really care bout my cellphone because i know i can get a new one but i had to blocked my mumber...

that was the saddest part cuz most of my close ones always contact me through that number...

i had to borrowed christine's phone in order to do that...thanks christine!!!xoxo!!!

the second things that happened that day really-really opened my eyes...

i cried myself to sleep that night...

blaming God on the truth that stared at me when ive decided to be a 'hacker'...

my heart was crushed and i felt numb...

my prayers seemed to be answered...

answered with the truth that i really dont want to know...

the truth that would keep me shutting the door to my heart...

BUT upon this two incidents that had happened to me...

ive learnt that...

1. i must be careful with my things and dont simple takes thing for granted...

2. be thankful to God because the things you have in this world comes from Him...

3. usually...if ive had a broken heart...i would just let him go...i would cried my heart out...i would just say, "i'll let him go because i really love him and that the best thing that i should do..." but now...i will not repeat the same stupid mistakes ever again...i woke up the next morning and ive realized that i must keep on going and pray every now and then that he will love me the way i love him...i will never stop because this is the only miracle that i wish for and this will be the best thing that will happen in my life...

Lord...please take care of him...amen...

2009-02-05T04:52:00.000-08:00

im so panic rite now...

wht happen 2 him???

OMG!!!

i just dno wht 2 do...

im too worry bout him...

will he be okay???

i hope so...

Lord...

please take care of him...

make him be okay...

he's too precious for me...

AMEN...

tagged by xang~

2009-01-31T02:30:00.000-08:00

5 things u dun noe bout me...

1. hurm...im into shontelle's and we the kings's music now...
__yup2...hehehe...go listen 2 shontelle's battle cry...best!!!__

2. deeply in luv wif tutt...
__go figure who...complicated tho but im tryin my best 2 heal my broken heart...wish me well__

3. i'll be using black when i feel really2 down...
__now pn me tgh pakai black since 2 weeks ago...mmg colourless la aku skrg nie...___

4. i sumtimes watch filipino movies...
__best lar evntho i dun noe sum of d dialogues but it's fun cuz dis is d tyme me go checking out d hot filipino actors...hahahaa!!!__

5. i have a bunny rabbit's teddy dat will be 18 soon...:)
__it was a gift 4 my bday 4rm my aunt long tyme ago...me bwa xavier(his name) evrywhr if i travel...__

**i just duno who i wanna tag...:D hehehe...so...tag tag!!!tagging every1!!!

memang me rasa marah

2009-01-27T10:39:00.000-08:00

pahal bha???mcm shit ja nie...aiyo~ emma sudah memaki...
apakah???hahaha!!!lawak la...cali!!!merepek odi dis...

i just dun wanna blame sapa2 la but klau bukan sebab dia, i dun thnk i'll change...
mcm c**** bha!!! i dun like 2 feel dis way tapi kan...entah lah!!!knapa slalu ja me like dis???

i noe...once u noe wht ive done...
i'll guarantee u'll hate me more den ther people u hate d most in dis whole wide world...

satu ja i wan u 2 noe...me jd like dis pn bcuz of u...dun ever blame me if u noe ive changed CUZ u're d 1 dat hve changed me...4rm my side u're d 1 2 b blame...dun u ever tanya me y...

i just wanna say sorry if ive did any wrong...maybe me ada tersalah mna2...
i dun thnk i wana turn bax cuz i noe u wont b thr 4 me...

++changes in life++

2009-01-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

life is full of surprises...life is happy, sad, witty, blissful yet troublesome...in short, life is too complicated...people need changes in life too but somehow a change in life may leads us to not a better tomorrow but a nightmare from hell...yeah...that is life...people may change because that is what they want but some people change because they just do not realize it...

as for me, I think this year (even though new year just started) does bring too much change in my life and to others that are close to me too...for the past few days, my life turned out from hectic to chaos to whatever that you can called busy and surprising...I received lots and lots of unexpected news, numerous unwanted accidents and tones of treasureable new experiences and memories...

I still cannot believe a confession a very close individual had told me...as I am writing all this words down, I am still in shocked...I cant even believe whatever that had been told...they were all unbearable...now I can actually says that I do believe that people change so quickly...I know I do change a lot too...but I think all those news that I just got were really-really shocking...I became numb and I got lost in words...I was speechless...in my opinion now, you should not regret what you've done because that's the path that you've chose and there is no turning back...so, held you head high and please do not regret your decision...love you so much... :)

there are so much things that I wanted to write in this particular post but I don’t think I can do that...life has changed so dramatically for some of us...I took some of it positively because I just don’t want to think about it anymore...it's extremely hard and I know some of us is struggling to fight and win...hey...good luck and I know you can do it...some of us may took things and people for granted and we never realize that what we've done may hurt them...so...grow up and stop hurting others...

it's nearly 2 weeks after new year...I’ve gone through hell, heaven, hell, paradise, hell again ect act.. I've did lots of things and learnt much more than i can ever imagine...I am quit blissful and I just want to thank God with all those experiences...I’ve laugh and poured my heart hell like crazy, I’ve think legally like a professional, I’ve cried like there were no tomorrows, I’ve gone through adventures like a survivor and I am proud to say that I am ready for lots and lots of other experiences that 2009 will brings...

what I think makes me a tougher individual for the past few weeks are God, my parents, my family and of course my 2nd family...these people help me and had made my life easier...I could just called them when I need them...I could just shared what I feel with my 2nd family and all...what makes me proud the most is that they are always always been there for me...there's nothing in this whole wide world that could ever change how I feel when I know they really really love and care about me and they are there when I really need shoulders to cry on...you guys catch me when I fall...

I just cant repay back all of those tones of helps, tears of joy, hard cracking jokes and all that you guys had created just to make me feel comfortable and smile again...thank you and may God bless all of you for the rest of 2009...love you guys till death and always remember that you guys are the treasure that I have and I am proud to have you guys as the missing pieces of me...

the perfect gifts

2008-12-26T09:46:00.000-08:00

thrs nuthng more can i say except 'thank you, Lord...' for giving me d perfect not 1, not 2, not 3 but numerious gifts dat i could ever wish for... He has shown me miracles n how much He loves me... I've got nuthng more dat i could ever say other than thank you...

well...one of the gifts dat i received 4rm Him b4 xmas was...i passed all my pprs...altho it was x as in 'passing my exam wit flying colours'... BUT im so grateful n thankful... alleluya... Thank You Lord... it's a miracle... i prayed days n nights... everyday... everywhr... at least i kinda showed my efford 2 my shoulder 2 cry on dat i promised i'll do well (terjadi krna aku nie kaki merendeq...) he's d 1st person i called after i got my result 4rm aloy(yep...aloy tolon me chcked cuz aku merendeq masa nie...) i just wanna say thanks...witout a shoulder 2 cry on lyke u, i dun thnk i'll b dis strong dude...

2ndly... i oso received gifts 4rm the Lord as 3 of my brothers r coming 2 join me in shah alam!!!yay~ i cant wait!!!mcm advance presents dis 4rm God 4 me next year!!! im too happy 4 dis altho i kinda c lots of thngs will change (4 gud) next year...hehe... waw!!! i cant believe God gives me 3 of dem sekali gus...hehe...mmg me tau dey will kinda control me on my nite lifes n all after dis bt im so happy cuz im tired of all d dramas, telenovelas, telesyre n all yg org2 buat d sekeliling me di salam... at least bila ada dis 3 i still can ada sesi meluahkn rsa x puas wif dem...

3rdly... well... im so blissful cuz my days now r lighted wif 1 more addition 2 our family!!! d birth of Joycelyn Uci... :) my new niece was born on 20th December 2008... i hope dat she will bring lots n lots of joy 2 our family... im gonna mish her la if i return bax 2 salam...sob3!!!

4thly... hurm... oh yeah!!! i kinda received 'duit express' 4rm my family... thank God!!! im totally broke during d first few weeks bax in miri...x kuar rumah dude...hehehe...but miracle happened... without meminta n all...my parents...my granny...my aunt...all out of sudden gave me pocket money...xmas ang pao la kot...but i kinda need 2 save d money as i need 2 buy lots of thngs b4 balik salam...food, bags, clothes, sandals, shoes, ...

nervous breakdown...

2008-12-16T03:51:00.000-08:00

less den 24hrs!!!!!!!!
i duno wht d hell im writing...
waw!!!my future...written dwn...
omg!!!i need 2 breath!!!
breath hard!!!!
omg!!!isit bright???or isit dark???
bright as d sun dat shines???
or as dark as d blackish nite???

less den 24hrs!!!
wht will my future brings???
will i b in heaven or hell???
im so nervous n i duno wht 2 do...
im so jammed...
im scared...
God...plz help me...

A Day After Our Final Paper...

2008-11-23T23:17:00.000-08:00

so sorry...hehehe...me bru dwnloaded all dis pixs...quit bz wif holidays maybe...hehehe...yeah...alangkah betapa bahagianya after we all abz smua pprs...bak kata c azad...emma bestnye mcmnie everyday...hahaha!!!all we did was...sleep...eat...sleep...play ps2(yup yup...i bought it after paper...ngehehehehe...)...sleep again...baca komik...huhuhu...x dat bored oso...

entah brap byk komik sa bca haritu...huhu...xkn mo p bca buku law kan???hahahahaa!!!

tp boring bha...salah c enong nie...spa srh balik awal!!!huhuhuhu...u left me alone...:(

huhu...nie msa c azad n elisa lawan men apa tu nma dia???need for speed ka tu???duno la...cant remember...oh...concentrate saje c elisa...hehehe...ogy tdo...me???bca komik...hahahahaha!!!bt i noe elisa will wins next game lwn azad!!!go ej!!!hahaha!!!

rison sdg bercakap dgn dis 2...i thnk he was saying he will b out 2nite bt nda pn he kuar2...hehehe...

pelik dis c ej men...hahahaha!!!u guys should hw she 1st played dis game...lawak bha...bt whtever n mcmna she plays it....i will owez sokong her!!!hahahahaaa!!!!ej hebat!!!

perasaan-perasaan yg sgt kurang ajar

2008-11-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

skali lagi...

perasaan2 yg tertera d bwh menusuk ke dlm hatiku secara rambang,sejajar,melintang,menegak,sistematik dll...

1. perasaan rindu yg teramat sgt kpd beliau
2. perasaan kecewa dan putus asa
3. perasaan seolah2 aku ingin lari sejauh yg mungkin
4. perasaan sakit hati terhadap org yg mengambil kesempatan dgn org len
5. perasaan yg knapa aku msh x bleh tinggalkan dia

knapa bha smua nie jd???dis is d most fuckiest( so sorry cuz i curse again...) year of my life...i never feel dis bad b4...NEVER!!! sakit2 mana pun me penah jatuh...i never feel dis bad like dis...

im sorry if i have 2 say dis...sakit mata melihat dan mendengar benda2 yg menyakitkan hati saya skrg...i tried my best 2 run bt i cant...im just trap in dis world of nowhere...i need 2 get out...im sick of all dis scandals...im sick of my life...im sick of d feeling of missing him n i duno wht will my future brings...

wht more can i say???sick n tired...i dun even hve enough courage 2 move on...im just killing myself softly...no one understand hw i feel...all dis days i keep on saying...

'emma,dun wori...u'll b ok...'

manada!!!each n everyday nda pernah ok...im oso tired of crying...mmg me nampak happy n all bt yeah...perasaan d atas menganggu hidup!!!

when i fall in love

2008-11-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

corny huh???hahaha!!!yeah...after a bit of heartbroken wif my consti few hours ago...im going 2 write a cute n a bit of boring blog okay???

hurm...bila me tengok pa yg jadi wif ivy,joel,rison,veron,danny,elisa dll...me rasa me x mo la fall in love...not now...bak kata daryl...xda ku mok srh ko bercinta tyme muda2 nektok ma...yeah...betul kata mereka...i thnk i'll forget bout love now...ive learn a lot 4rm dem...

lepas apa yg jadi dgn me ptg lps ppr consti...i tot of leaving him all along...whr r u whn i really2 need u???all dis tyme...ive owez been thr whn u need me...btl2 me nekad odi mo kasi tinggal dia...tapi bila i really2 wan 2 dia dtg balik...dia dtg balik...he suddenly came out of no whr n asked me hws my day n u noe...bagi sy semangat balik n told me dat i cannot give up...

hurm...apakah ini chenta???me btol2 xmo pkir odi bha!!!he hurts me lot more dat i can describe...btol2 me wan he 2 b only my fren...only a fren bt he just fly in n out of my life all over again...giving me hopes n courage dat i really2 need...

tapi kan...after all...me rsa biar la tyme yg tentukan...d most important thng now is dat i luv myself n live my life d fullest...dgn apa yg me tenggok n wht ive experience,i noe dat im x ready yet...biar la me sorg2 luk...fobia...yeah...dats d rite word...

so...between me n dis sumbody...i wish u all d best...thnks 4 being my i duno...we never have any title for our relationship...klau jodoh me wif u, we'll be 2gether...so...yeah...i ll owez be thr bt my feelings may x b d same...uve lost me dis tyme bcuz of urself n my desire not 2 b wif u...i wanna come clean wif u all dis tyme bt ive waited too long till it hurts dis much...

dear whoever...thnks 4 ALL dos memories n i luv u yeah...mcm yg me slalu ckp...ill owez support u,answer all ur texts,ur calls,jumpa u,hang out wif u nall...n ill text n call u too...byk bnda yg halang me 2 b wif u nw...my real feeling,myself,my family n my study especially...i noe whts ur deepest secret nw bt i kinda dun wanna lean on it... i noe it n u dun hve 2 play hide n seek nymore bt yeah...its too late...

failing,loosing grip n trashing off

2008-11-04T05:21:00.000-08:00

dis is d fuckiest day of my life...im so down nw...im so...i duno hw 2 describe my feelings...its all in 1...all i noe is dat im going 2 fail 1 or 2 of my papers...FCUK!!!shit shit shit!!!i duno hw im going 2 handle all of dis broken dreams,hopes n all i hve 4 myself...im saying gudbyes 2 all of dat...i feel im useless...

i cried all day long in my sleep,during my shower,between my laughing tymes wif my frens n even now...dis is harder den a broken heart...it even hurt more den putus chenta...im fallin hard...im numb...i never feel dis down b4...i never cry dis hard after my late aunt left us...yeah...dis is d second tyme i cried really2 hard in my life...sakit bha dlm hati...sakit sgt2...

ada oso me terfikir...i work really hard...i attended all of classes,i did all my assignments n all of my tests tapi mcmna dis???study till dawn...tapi mcm x da pulangan ja...sia2 me baca n study hard...wht did i get???i got nothning...its better if i just sleep all along cuz org yg x study pn mcm ok ja...skrg sy menangis dlm hati n menangis dpn2 my frens n my family...

im sorry if i let my family,my love ones n my frens down...im sorry i broke my promises saying will study hard n work all my best...im so so sorry guys...sorry...cuz i cant make it...ive tried my best in my contract n my consti...im so sorry...eventho u guys said its okay n all bt i noe i hurt u guys more den enough...its just slipping away...all dos hopes r gone already...im just...i duno...

The Teardrops 4rm My Eyes

2008-10-22T09:53:00.001-07:00

Whn i was doing my revision on constitutional law 2 (cuz i got 3.5/15), i was thnkin of listening 2 a song dat reminds me of sum1...teardrops on my guitar by taylor swift...once, whn i decided 2 hav a blog, i made a promise 2 myself...NEVER WRITE ABOUT DIS PARTICULAR PERSON IN UR BLOG...wanna noe y???cuz i dun wan people around me 2 noe hw i really feel bout him now n then...i even dun wan people 2 noe who dis particular person is...ive gone thro a lot in order 4 me 2 forget him bt i just fail...each tyme i wanna 4get him, my feelings just dun let me 2 do so...

Who is he???he's my fren isit???is he sum1 dat makes my life blissful???he's sum1 special isit???is dis guy my beshfren???a close fren or a gud fren???he's sum1 dat is owez thr 4 me isit???who d hell is he???i dun even noe d answer myself...im so sorry...all i can say is no matter hw much he hurts me in my life, i cant hav d guts 2 hate him n dats wht i hate d most bout myself...i dun hav d courage 2 hate or even 2 let him out of my life...

I never feel dis kinda shit in my life...i noe dat ive fall 4 d wrong person...shit!!!each n every minute i remind myself dat he's x worth it emma...he doesnt even thnk bout u...set him free 4rm ur heart cuz thr's other person dat deserves u better den him...open ur heart bt i cant...im incapable 2 do so...FUCK!!!im so helpless...he's d 1st thng dats on my mind whn i wake up everyday n he'll b d last 1 b4 i sleep at nite...

I just cant bare dis feeling myself anymore...FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!i duno wht happen 2 me...seriously...ive been hiding all of dis since 4ever n yeah...i told only 1 single soul (i wont tell ny1 u noe bout it) n i noe u guys noe who i told ait???wanna noe y i really need 2 get him out of me???he's taken...shit!!!FUCK FUCK FUCK...dats d reason y i keep on havin my heart broken each tyme i thnk bout dis n it keeps me cryin evntho i dun wan 2...i noe dis sounds crap bt yeah i noe...im so stupid...i even can feel my tears r on its way rolling down my cheeks nw...dis song really reminds me of him...

"He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see dat I wan n I'm needing evrythin dat we should be, I'll bet she's beautiful, dat girl he talks about n she's got evrythin dat I hav 2 live without..."

"He talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny dat I can't even see any1 wen he's wif me, He says he's so in luv, he's finally got it right, I wonder if he noes he's all I think about at night..."

Dats d 1st 2 verse of d song...dats hw i feel whn im wif him...i hav 2 pretend im happy 4 him n each tyme he talks bout her, im hurt...im broken inside bt wht can i do...im his ears...hes owez wif me...he thks of her n i thnk of him...shit!!!wht hurts me d most is whn he said he cant wait till he meet her again...i feel like im just invisible...im just nuthng bt im owez thr 4 him whnever he needs me...d fuckiest thng is dat he plans his future wif her already...hws dat huh???

"He's d reason 4 d teardrops on my guitar...d only thng dat keeps me wishing on a wishing star, He's d song in the car I keep singing, duno y I do..."

Nope...he doesnt only cause me 2 cry on guitar...he even let me cry on my pillow,evrywhr n whnevr i thnk bout hw he treats me n wht he thnks bout me...i nvr fall 4 sum1 dis hard b4...i wish n i really pray 2 God at nite dat 1 day he will b mine bt i noe dis will b vry hard cuz it seems so impossible...God, plz gracefully help me...

"He walks by me, can he tell dat I can't breathe? n thr he goes, so perfectly, d kind of flawless I wish I could be...She'd better hold him tight, give him all her luv...Look in those beautiful eyes n noes she's lucky..."

Maybe i sound so silly cuz yeah...i admit it dat he's d type of guy dat i really2 wish 4 in my life...he has evry single qualities dat i wan in a person...looks n brain n all...gosh...she's so lucky...i cant help it...i just hope dat 1 day, if im able 2 4get him...i wan sum1 like him bt sadly...he's only 1 in dis whole wide world ait???thrs x othr substitute...dat does hurt...n wht hurt d most???i cant hav him...

"So I drive home alone, as I turn out d light, I'll put his picture down n maybe get some sleep tonight..."

Ive tried all my best 2 4get him...y should i feel dis way???yeah...i hav all d thngs 2 reminds me of him wif me...all dos gifts, photos, names, jokes, songs n all...he craves tons of memories in me n i noe we hav more 2 come...dats wht im afraid of...im afraid of leavin him n im oso afraid dat he'll leave me...gosh...i cant really believe im writing all of dis down...im so dump 2 fall 4 him...i wish i nvr meet him cuz its hard 4 me 2 move on as i really fall 4 him evn more each day...its growin each n evryday...i cant handle it nymore...

All i can say now is dat i seriously wan him bt i noe...dis is a hard 1 cuz he seems 2 hav a perfect life in his own wonderland wif his 'alice'...hes so in luv n its d 1st tyme he feels dis way...he doesnt evn feel d same way i do 2wards him...i feel so bump n all!!!i dun evn noe wht he thnks of me n who i am 4 him...all i wish 4 nw is my Dear God is doing all d best 4 me n 4 him...i owez tell myself dat if he's mine, he'll b mine...im hoping dat 1 day he'll realize wht he misses all d of dis tyme...im owez thr bt he seems 2 b blind...maybe he's holding on too tight wif wht he has...he will loss me if he keeps on doing dat...i wonder y life is dis hard whn it comes 2 all dis dispute...

Aku Rindu Dia

2008-10-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

i mish him so much...seriously...yeah...altho we fight a lot if we're 2gthr but dat's d moment i mish a lot now especially whn i need 2 spank people...hehehe...we wrestle,fight,do stupid plans
all 2gther...yup...hehehe...we slalu go merendeq 2gthr dis...owh...lupa me...his name is Edgar Kean Pandang...he was born on 23rd May 2000...he's my younger brother...hehehe..he was born 12 years after me...i duno wht will happened 2 me if he doesnt exist in my life...he is too big 4 his age tapi apa nak buat...he likes 2 eat...just like me...biasa la tu...like sister like brother...

dis is wht i mish d most bout him...yeah...he hates me n i hate him too...hahaha!!!but he owez ask me whn will i be bax home...i noe he misses me too...hahaha!!!bila me mo balit miri,he's d 1 yg plg excited...kalah2 my mum,dad,derek n my other family members...he'll b d 1 yg mandi plg awal n all...hahaha!!!he'll b d 1 yg said 2 my mum, "mummy,whn we wanna go ambik kakak at airport dis???lambat odi bha..."

huhu...dis is his fav...he likes 2 go makan2 n jalan2 wif me...hehehe...seperti biasa...our kerja...we go check all d kdai makan in miri...hehehe...our fav shopping port???kedai cd!!!hehehe...akan kami beli dvd2 chetak rumpak yg bru d pasaran...hehehe...every week la dis...if at home we owez makan2 oso...he'll b d 1 yg me akan bwa makan...i still remember whn he said, "eh...later if u wanna do kuih u tell me aa...ltr u jahat bha...u go makan sorg2..." yup yup...he fall asleep den i went 2 d dapur n buat d kuih my grandma asked me 2 do...tiba2 dia dtg n said, "na kan!!!bulak bha u!!!u said wanna wait 4 me!!!" hehehe... den i said, "kan u tdo td...ltr mama balik, we mkn trus budo..." he reply me..."U JAHAT!!!" utk meredakan keadaan aku pn trus sruh he buat d kuih...kecil2 d kuih jadi dia...ada jg bahan ketawa kmi pd petang itu...

cant wait la 2 jmpa him lg!!!cant wait 2 bully him n all...hehehe...yeah...less den a month lg nie...hehehee...tp bak kata ivy, "study 1st den fun..." dat is seriously true!!!need 2 start now!!!so...adios folks!!!

It is Not as Easy as A B C...

2008-10-10T03:05:00.000-07:00

ai kinda read a bulletin posted by one of my frens in Friendster...he said dat starting a new life is not easy cuz he havent find sum1 to make it better n how can he starts it...hurm...i thnk both of us have d same problem...STARTING A NEW LIFE...

yeah...i admit it i was scared at 1st...i planned i could just leave my previous one just like dat...u noe...dumped d bad thngs n starts a new agenda...NOPE...dats x d way...i was wrong at 1st bout how my life should be...i sumtimes keep on blaming myself in whtever stuff dat keeps me down...

maybe my dear fren havent found d people or person dat can make his new life a better 1...bt 4 me...i proudly said i found mine...hehehe...maybe im just a lucky girl kot...lucky enough 2 realize wht i've missed out n i dun have faith in myself before...im sorry cuz ive neglicted U...

who or wht did i found???hurm...d most precious gift of all time...my luv to God...yeah...b4 dis i do luv God bt i kinda neglect sum parts of it...i kinda loss faith n believe in miracle...maybe i was too busy pushing n thnking of how unlucky n stress i am till i forgot i have a fren dat is forever be thr 4 me n luv me d way i am...

in starting my new life...it started whn september ends...i tot i can make it in early september but i fail sumhw...miserable ait???i was kinda having difficulties in sum points of my life during dat time...d worst part of all...i dun have any1 2 share it wif...i was distracted,broken heart n all...at d end...i took a courage 2 tell my shoulder 2 cry on my situation...i thnk God i have him...yeah...i kinda kna marah n all tapi apa yg dia ckp tu seriously betul...i still remember his words..."pa la faedah ko buat tu???ada untung ka???u tell me now..."yeah...i was stunned n got strucked by d feeling of regret...

dats d 1st miracle...d second 1 came a few days after dat...i was alone in my room...3rd day of raya...after i took my shower n all...i tot i wanna starts studying...suddenly i was grabbing d Holy Bible...thnking of nak mengadap Tuhan...so i did my prayers...den...i was telling myself it would be nice if i have a chance 2 visit d church 2day...n guess wht???enong came 2 my room n said...emma jum kita jmpa heather...dia bwa pegi church...i was stunned again...hurm...dats d power of God...thnks be 2 God...

3rd miracle...He granted my wish num 1 in my wish list...thnk you Lord...im going home dis coming 14th November...meeting my family n frens i mish d most...my 2nd n 3rd wish???im still crossing my fingers on it...God...plz help me...amen...

and now...i do noe who will be thr whn i need dem d most...its x my fren yg marah me tu...its God...yeah...im luv wif Him wif all my heart...His luv is d greatest luv of all...my new life is more blissful n contented...full of Him in my heart already...i may sound selfish if i said i dun 1 anythng else bt yeah dats d truth...His luv is enough 4 me 2 get thro all d difficulties in life now...

to d fren dat says he cant starts a new life...seek 4 d thng dat makes u feel u deserve 2 b happy n deserve a better life...all best my fren...luv u till death...xoxo...and dats my story about it cuz it is x as easy as a b c...

Tagged by C.G.L

2008-10-09T10:26:00.000-07:00

Tag Tag TagDig Dig DigBag Bag BagBig Big Big
what kind of spell is that *_*

[01] Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to?
+ yeah bt i noe dia urg okay...

[02] Have you ever been given roses?
+ yup yup...given during my bday dulu2...hehehe...

[03] What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
+ I Do (but) I Don't...nice n awesome mvee...

[04] Had a Long Distance Relationship?
+ hehehe...nope bt long distance frenships yes...Gosh~i mish all of u guys...

[05] Do you believe in this saying-What goes around comes around?
+ yup yup...karma tho...

[06] Do you want to get married?
+ 1 day i will i guess bt x nw...i hav lots of other thngs 2 thnk of...

[07] How many kids do you want to have?
+ hurm...duno...3 will be okay...bt its up 2 Him...

[08] Whats your favorite color(s)?
+ brown,blue,black...

[09] Who was the last person you held hands with?
+ ivy...:) <--jeles Joel ltr dis...

[10] Do you believe in love at first sight?
+ yeah...i noe i do cuz i witness 1 of it...:D enong n abz jahyd...:P

[11] Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
+ i dun kiss n tell...hehehe...maybe yes n maybe no...

[12] At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
+ yay!!!hurm...maybe tyme me in primary school kot...

[13] Do you like anyone?
+ yup yup!!!God,plz let me hav him...Amen...

[14] Do you know someone who likes you?
+ yup yup...hehehe...bt i dun wan him...:(

[15] Do you love anyone?
+ yeah...Jesus...He's d luv of my life...

[16] Do they know you like/love them?
+ who???Jesus???yeah...He luves me too...

[17] Why did you and your most recent ex break up?
+ well...its about feelings...

[18] When did you two last speak to one another?
+ cant recall...

[19] Would you get back together with your ex?
+ i dun wan 2...:) lets just forget bout it okay???

[20] What comes to your mind when you think of love?
+ luv hurts...bt i noe my luv 2 Jesus is d greatest luv of all...thnk u God!!!

[21] Is there anyone who knows you inside and out?
+ yeah...daryl...he noes me more den any1 else...

[22] Tag anyone?
+ hurm...can i tag veron alone???

all i want for dis year r...

2008-10-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

i cant wait till my semester ends!!!rindu mo balik kmpg halaman(kmpg la sgt Miri e2 kn???)...i cant wait 4 xmas n all!!!cant wait 2 b bax home...cuddling my lil sunshine,playing games wif my brothers,kissing wif my makhluk Tuhan plg seksi,makan2 n hangging around like i dun have nythng gud 2 do...i cant just wait!!!i mish my home damn much!!!!rindu mo p merendeq wif my frens!!!mo bersinta dgn dey ol...lma sdh dis guys!!!

bt b4 dis keriangan starts...kesusahan dan keseksaaan haruslah melanda terlebih dahulu...pelbagai rintangan n cabaran harus aku lalui b4 me balik Miri dis!!!mo menangis nie aku...i really wanna go bax!!!x lma lg finals...mula2 ctu,den torts,den contract(blum study nie),den consti(yarabi astaga),den mls lastly mandarin...antara smua nie,me plg takut contract,consti n mandarin!!! i duno y!!!maybe i need 2 study more...ssh nie...ppr starts 29th oct n ends at 11th nov...pray hard tho so i can do my best in all pprs...God,plz be wif me...Amen...

i promise myself dat i will do d best i could...tinggal lg 3 weeks b4 finals nie...27 days 2 go...dh masuk gear 3 dh nie...next week gear 4 n d next week gear 5...finals nnti i hope i can score...i promised 2 sum1 yg i will do my best...kna buktikn it la...hehe...nasib baik nie urg ada...mun x,x ku tauk pa mok jd ngn aku eh...skema kenen aku nie skrg...mo jd nerd nie tuk 6 minggu...dun mess around wif me tuk 1 n a half month nie...siap sedia la kna sound...im tired of messing around dis...

if i am given free 3 wishes nw...my 1st wish will b i wanna b wif my beloved family...damn!!!cepat la...nda buleh tunggu lg nie...2nd...i wanna get gud results dis sem...maybe i dun deserve it cuz aku kuat men2 nie tp bg la aku peluang tuk lulus...3rd...hurm...yg nie ssh ckit...i wan him!!!!shiat!!!can i have him???sa mo chenta dia ble ka???God plz help me!!!im helpless!!!astaga yarabi!!!seriously dis time i really2 thnk God if i can have dis 3 wishes granted!!!dats all im asking for especially 4 xmas!!!klau nda dpt jg aku x tau la...maybe yg 3rd 1 ssh ckit...lembab btul e2 org...tp harap2 Tuhan buka la mata n hati dia sblm org len dpt aku kenen...rugi ja dia nnti nie bila dia sedar lmbt...

lg 1 yg btl2 aku nda sabar lg nie...cant wait 4 half of my 2nd family 2 b wif me in shah alam!!!setahun nie berpisah...it hurts a lot tho...penat nie bersabar tp i owez told ogy dat Tuhan sayang org yg sabar nie...huhu...penyiksaan yg teramat sgt...dh la hav 2 go thro byk bnda...huhuhu...i feel blessed whn im wif dem...dey noe hw 2 cheer me up n makes me a stress-free person...yg plg best dey noe hw 2 calm me down n listen 2 my problems...mmg ada yg snggup listen 4 me nw bt i dun feel comfortable 2 tell dem my kesusahan cuz i noe dey have theirs too...mana x...bila me wanna crita,dey hav their own agenda n dey pula yg starts 2 crita 2 me...if i have d others here,i too hav my shoulders 2 cry on...cant wait guys!!!wish u guys r hre wif me already...all d best 4 final exams in kedah...luv u guy till death!!!yg d salam plak...jan men2 lg...sma jg...buat bgs2 n stop blur2...jum starts nw!!!bangun!!!

HERE ARE 7 FACTS ABOUT EMMA...tagged by Veronica Guuk~hehehe

2008-09-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

1ST: i like 2 eat!!!i luv food so much...i duno y...dats y la my badan besaq no...hahaha!!!eating is my hobby n x 1 can take it away 4rm me...i will finish my food even if im full...blajar habiskan makanan sbb sayang bha dat<--a fren of mine taught me dis...hehehe...thnaks bro...my parents oso slalu cakap,'better finish ur food cuz org yg miskin teda makan like dis emma...'itulah kisah emma & makanan...in other words,im trained x 2 waste food by my family n a fren dat luves eatin too...

2ND: im just 160cm tall wif current weight???63kg!!!hahahaa!!!LOL!!!yeah...gumuk aku nie...dats y la aku sedang ingin menguruskan badanku kunun...hehehee...yeah...berat badan ideal aku sepatutnya 49kg-->55kg...ingat me msa me muda2 dulu bha...i was like 50kg 2 55kg only...santik kunun msa 2...hahahahaaaa!!!wish me luck tho on my mission 2 b kurus again...

3RD: im a true Sarawakian...hehehe...a Mirian 2 b exact...its d place like x others...i mish my hometown so damn much n i cant wait 2 b bax in Miri!!!lots of stuff dat makes me proud 2 b a Sarawakian...culture,people,environtment(yg x polluted lg),everythng la best in Sarawak...most of all i luv d FOOD especially d bereq or vogok!!!yum2!!!i also mish my family n i seriously mish my frens bax in homeland!!!huhu...wht 2 do...aku kna abzkn sem nie d shah alam...kejap lg kta smua jmpa no...Sarawak!!!here i come!!!

4TH: i dun smoke bt i currently live wif smokers...so possibility me kna lungs cancer amat tinggi cuz im a 2ndary smoker...hehehe...seriously i cant stand smokes as i will need 2 use my nasal spray if i cant smell nythng nymore...den ill sneeze n cough...at d end(worst part), i cant even close or open my eyes cuz dia akn berair...whn i was in kedah once i had a very bad headache which caused i cant open my eyes due 2 pendedahan yg terlampau kpd asap rokok...i discovered my weakness whn i was 13...my parents r seriously worried bout my condition bt duno la...aku berserah ja pd Tuhan nie...

5TH: if u asked me about Kedah...i will answer dats d place dat i learnt everythng bout keperitan,kesusahan,kesabaran,kegumbiraan,persintaan,kebencian,kebodohan n lots more in life...yg bestnya pasal tmpt nie dia ajar aku psl keluarga...biasalah...we all borneorians r minority thr...me jmpa my luv ones d sna bha kenen...smua keluarga BSS n chomel group...teda istilah seniors n juniors already...smua mcm adik-beradik,suami-isteri dan sebagainya...me???me dapat my 2nd family thr...jmpa a shoulder 2 cry on,my kekanda,my shayang,my superb crazee housemates,my lalinks...smua la...our kelapak...mcm2 la...best siot thr!!!jumpa c aris sna juga...hehehehe...hes just sum minor guy dat ligthed up my days in kedah setelah aku heartbroken dgn c tutt...huhuhuhu...sakit jg bila heartbroken msa d kedah...mkn chocolate cadbury n vanilla coke everyday...naik berat badan aku no...bt now after i noe who aris really is,i tend 2 Laugh Out Loud!!!hahaha!!!jerk tho...tp dia mmg chumel...hehehehe...

6TH: im a big fan of MANCHESTER UNITED!!!once a devil will always b a devil...bukan kerana aku mensintai c Christiano Ronaldo(hes my drug) dgn sepenuh hati aku trus minat MU kenen tp mmg aku minat since i was in standard 3/4 lg...huhu...i kinda get involved wif football since d neville n beckham's era...hehehe...bt im also a big wrestling fan!!!yeah!!!minat nie since darjah 3...i still remember whn i was in standard 6...aku sanggup tdo awal every thursday den woke up at 1230am 2 watch wwf(ketika itu...tp skrg wwe)...in real life slalu jg aku bergusti nie dgn my family...hahahaa!!!

7TH: d last part of 7 facts bout c emma...lets see...mcm teda lg mo crita dis bha...oh ya!!!ada nie sorg yg dilahirkan 21st August 1989 yg bernama daryl rorote...org ckp he looks exactly like emma...duno la...maybe got separated during birth kali...emma dan c daryl nie menyiasat kenen mana tau la saudara yg hilang...mengurik ngurik la sejarah asal usul keluarga berabz nie bertanya tp usaha fail...mmg bkn family(kecewa)...meaning we r so x related tp he noes a lot about me...bnda yg x penah aku crita dgn org pn dia tau...my family,my own problems,my kegumbiraan,my kesusahan,my crush dll...i hav no secret wif him n same goes 2 him...i noe his story of life...dia nie la yg slalu bwa aku smada ke jln yg benar n jln yg hanjeng ckit bt mostly he sedarkn me sebelum trlmbt...dats y la aku tersangat rapat dgn beliau nie tp masyarakat d luar salah anggap n terover tafsir ttg keakraban trsebut...jd aku ingin menegaskan d sini skali lg...biarla korg nak ckp pa...kmi malas mo jwb sudah...klau ada lg yg tnya, all we can do is smile...

bha...kali nie i wanna tag c christine n c sae...malas aku pikir mo tag spa nie...hehehe...oh ya...c xang oso...

tagged by C.G.L!!!

2008-09-29T11:26:00.000-07:00

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
~ hurm...maybe he needs 2nd chance bt plz...grow up...tapi if dah buat more den once...better get out of my life...

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
~ i wanna have his love???hehehe...God,plz help me...amen...

3. What's you planning for this year's X'mas?
~ have a great xmas in Miri n can i get 2 wish 4 a xmas present???

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
~ hurm...1st give out a thnk you prayers 2 God(invite makan2 nie kenen...) 2nd...i wanna build a church(semua yg kita ada d dunia nie datang dari Tuhan)...3rd...a nice vacation wif my family...a private 1 tho...bring all my family members...4th...bwa my bestfriends n my 2nd family p vacation juga!!!maybe go australia???or ireland???hehehe...i luv dem sama like i luv my family...dey r d missing pieces of me...5th...beli brg2 yg patut...

5. Will you u fall in love with your best friend?
~ yeah!!!hahaha!!!luv him till death...xoxo!!!

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
~ being luved by sum1...

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
~ i duno...let tyme decide...

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
~ hurm...rumit nie...biar la...just wait n c...(crossed-fingers)hehehe...as long as he's x married i still have chance ait???

9. If you would like to record a song, with who will it be?
~ definetally Westlife!!!dey r my all tyme fav...

10. What will you do if your crush set you up with his/her bestfriend?
~ OMG!!!damn!!!i thnk dis will b gud...ill accept it... :) wanna noe y???me wanna korek secrets...

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
~ have my own life n my career???

12. What’s your fear?
~ fear of losing him... :P

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
~ shes quit funny n me sakit kaki nie sundun ko p bwa sa jln2 d tymesquare!!!LOL!!!

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
~ none of d above... :P

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
~ switch off my alarm or answer phone call or reply text dat my fren's send(mengganggu tdo aku jak keja)...

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
~ relationship wif God yes bt x wif whoever dat will have relationship wif me nw...sorry!!!

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
~ ok...i thnk i will choose d person who luves me as much as i luv him...d other 1 still i can b wif him ait???he will b my fren...we hav 2 luv our frens oso ait??? ;D

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
~ i will forgive bt ive learnt not 2 forget...sorry folks...dats wht i learnt n dats wht i will practise...

19.Do you prefer to be a young mother or a divorce mother at 40?
~ hurm...can i dun choose both???hahaha!!!LOL!!!a young mother perhaps...

20.List 5 people to tag....
~ hurm...aloy...veronica guuk...sherer...xang??...nonoi...

kami jumpa duit palsu,maksiat n misteri sebelah rumah???

2008-09-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

1st issue, hurm...ketika aku sedang mengemas blog2 ini...ivy came out 4rm her room...i thnk i got dpt duit palsu la guys...we all pn gago2 chck duit tu...den mmg kmi rsa duit it mmg duit palsu...reasons:
1. dat bunga raya x bersambung wif each othr bila dilipat
2. dat money is slightly smaller den duit yg lain
3. dat money fades n garisan x btl
4. perkataan yg ringgit msia d bwh bt bkn d atas
5. enong declare mmg bkn duit palsu<--kami smua bole sue klau salah(ema,ogy,lison n ivy ckp)

2nd issue, enong ckp ema kecoh...elisa n veron tdo...kedai yg bg duit itu x penah tutup eventho dia cuma kedai fotostat...24 hrs kunun...heran kmi...rison ckp kedai itu sgt sesuatu...maybe ada maksiat d jlnkn d citu...hurm...ada seorg yg kurang upaya jaga itu kedai topap itu bersama kedai fotostat...kami heran...dia cacat tp x tdo mlm...masalah tu...kmi pening lalu ada yg merokok,makan lollercostel,on9,men gitar...

3rd issue...sebelah rumah kmi...misteri ya...ema p buat research...seminggu...lampu dia x off everyday...24hrs x off...felikkn???den...dapur got nuthng ma...heran kn???tp dulu2 kmi dgr ada org jerit2 n kejar2 bha thr...ivy ckp mcm ogy pnya voice tp nw she said agak la mcm suara ogy...klau msk cot mmg kalah...nda sure nie...tp kmi mmg slalu dgr bha...heran...org jerit la...mcm2 bha...every pukul 3-4 am...den dat day we dgr dem rooming...hurm...mcmna kah itu???we oso got dgr dem ketuk2 brg...ptg td...rakan2ku mkn...ketika baliq...meka tguk rmh itu ada nwspaper bergantung,langsir x tarik,xda perabot...ada yg mo p chck bt ada yg takut...misteri btl...i thnk mmg ada sumtng wrong in sek 7 nie...mcm2 ada...

got the blues of blurness :(

2008-09-22T05:10:00.000-07:00

i duno wht will happen 2 me...huhu...my life is getting tougher each n everyday!!!knapa bha nie???mcm shiat!!!haiyo!!!y bha...i felt rally2 bad rite now...i duno wht i can do 2 help myself...it just seems dat im falling apart...:( sedih bha aku nie...maybe yeah...dis is life bt i have 2 get bax in track...i felt like ive been through hell...hw will i get through my weeks???kejap lg finals bha!!!

dh la my test 4 mandarin mcm kimak!!!b*** hutan btl!!!maybe im going 2 fail my mandarin oo nie...let us all expect d unexpected 4rm emma...God...plz help me...im running out of hope...i just wanna give up...i cant hold on...i feel like shiat!!!i dun thnk any1 understand my situation nw...i duno hw 2 help myself...knapa bha emma mcm nie skrg???!!!i need to WAKE UP!!!

me rsa sedih bha nie...maybe im going 2 fail most of my subjects dis sem...i duno hw i can just b d old emma...old emma dat noes her limits n noes whn 2 stop n thnk...bila bha mo sedar nie emma???yarabi astaga!!!penat sdh berfikir bnda2 yg x penting...stop wasting tyme n WAKE UP!!!byk benda mo kna buat nie...start 2 do ur work NOW!!!bergerak pantas!!!if keep on lyke dis whn wanna maju dis???

WAKE UP n BE D OLD EMMA!!!cepat sebelum terlambat!!!

kepenatan n enong's bday party!!!

2008-09-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

hehehe...penat siot...nak tau y me penat ka???hehehe...cuz i did nuthng other den sleep 24/7!!!hahaha!!!yeah...best oso bha dis week...i spent most of my tyme wif elisa,rison n ogy...hehehe...yg plg x bleh bla every nite nie p lepak...huhuu...eh...lupak me...me ada new pendrive odi...hehehe...2gb jer...murah me beli dis...rm 22.80...hehehe...bli kt pas jer...

hurm...i thnk my days dis week quit ok lar...hehehe...my report oso got approved by ms joan so i thnk im on d rite track...hehehe...dats a gud news too ait???hurmm...apalagi no...jap2...yeah...2day we all went shopping a bit...biasa la...elisa blanja makan...her duit ptptn masuk odi dis!!!yeah!!!she bought 2 cellphones nie...den we oso bought a bit of stuff 4 enong's bday dis saturday...

enong's bday...waw!!!a big 1 i guess...8pm dis saturday at our hse...come la...hehehe...all r invited...till dis moment...around 30 party people yg dah confirm dtg...hehehe...i guess we need 2 tidy up our hse yg sememangnya semak n lyke tungkang pecah...hehehe...lots of thngs to do...wish all of luck tho...

yesterday n today

2008-09-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

hehehe...yeah...merendeq...i started 2 merendeq since merdeka...byk oo me blajar 4rm merendeq...bt 1 thng 4 sure...im doing thngs dat r making me happy...pastu every week x penah miss mkn kepsi...badan aku naik dis...hehehe!!!

learnt a lot bout d value of frenships n hw i can make myself apprieciate thngs around me more...yeah...maybe sum people r annoying bt staying up on wht i believe is rather important...

huhuhu...tp me rsa my life nw is quit hethic...mmg bz berabz...i thnk i can say nw is dat im doing my best 2 cope up wif it...dh la tests hancur...susah pulak tu...mcm kimaks!!!harap2 pas nie i wont repeat d same mistakes again...

okay...if u asked me nw wht i thnk bout luv...i'll def. answer...'luv does hurt...' yeah...maybe i sound selfish cuz i dun really wanna hurt myself once more...im sick of being hurt...im learning 2 spread my wings again...altho i may look happy bt inside of me im still bleeding...i promise u all dat i'll 4get all d past n start a nw chapter...all i can say is if he's mine, he will b mine x matter wht happen ait???

i wish i can say i believe in miracle once again bt i dun rite nw...shiat!!!i thnk miracle just dun get 2 me nwadays...biar la...its faith ait???biar la...bt still...if miracle happens again dis tyme, better b sumthng dat i wish 4 4rm d bottom of my heart...dats all i ask 4 nw...God...plz answer my prayers...Amen...

My Newest Blog in FS...My New Beginning

2008-09-14T02:48:00.000-07:00

Huh…what a pit-stop…my journey of life begins again like I was being instructed to leave tones of wonderful and valuable things in my past once again …it was really hard for me to do so because I still can feel the pain now…the exact moment when I am writing this blog…
Starting back from the very 1st point here was not an easy work…working my ass hard here was such a big challenge…the biggest of them all I guess…I may seems to be very positive from my friends’ perspective but inside of me I’m still trying my best to make this fight seems to be controllable…I prayed every now n then to make myself tough enough so that I can get through this very damn uninvited challenge…

My new journey began on December 28th 2007 when I had to start a new semester in UiTM Shah Alam…I think I was going to be okay at first because I thought I know I can…wah…confident je Emma…hehehe…but nevertheless, it turned out wrong…I suffered from missing my family and friends symptom…the only person that knows I cried myself to sleep at night is my dearest and only friend, God…back in kolej Mawar…I cried my heart out if I missed them all…I may look happy, giddy and all but deep inside me I’m suffering…pressures upon pressures…with workloads, lecturers, annoying and ungrateful friends, egos and everything…my life sucks during my first semester in UiTM Shah Alam…I felt nothing…I felt not even a bit of me loving my new place…the shittest shit of all shit is that I don’t know how to make myself feel I supposed to not feel sad, complaining and all…my only wish was to end my first semester here quickly…but I thank God only for one thing…I love my classmates…they kind of brighten up my day out a little bit…I also want to thank my greatest supporters…ogy and enong…you guys back me up a lot…ivy and veron…thanks for all of the good and crazy moments…

After long despondency yet awful moments…the most awaited moment of my life was approaching…my semester holidays were in the town!!! yay!!! I can’t wait to be home…when I was home…I felt like I was the real Emma…the crazy Emma…heehaw…I needed superb crazy holidays rupanya…well…back in my hometown, I went out with my old and new friends, my family and my cousins…watched EURO cup sambil texting with everyone…hahaha!!!then sleeping and eating…everything was FREE!!! It was great and blissful moments…fighting with my brothers, crazy days with my nephews and nieces…hurm…I was contented…moment of truth??? It was when I passed all of my papers!!! Yay!!! Hooray to Emma!!! Thank God…but still I don’t know what my next semester will bring…wink**

What did I learn this year??? Till this month of August, I’ve been through a lot…moving to my new home, reuniting back with my family members from UiTM Kedah(Elisa, Danny, Suzie, Desmond, Lia, Mas, Joel, Cheryl n others), coping with myself, starting and skipping classes, meeting new people…. bla bla bla…but one thing for sure, I still mish my other missing pieces that always makes me feel I’m complete and making me a stress-free person…highlight d situ yer…Living without all of you for nearly a year makes me a strong person and to believe in the phrase ‘till the day all of us be reunite again…’I have a strong faith in this saying now because I now that particular day is yet to come and my days will be brighten again with all those laughter, jokes, fooling around and funny idioms…words cannot express how I feel if the feeling of empty stuck me and for sure I will call or text them all straight away…Guys, cross your fingers on what we all have planned about next year…May God be with us…Amen…

My second semester??? I think I can’t decide what is the correct word for it… all I can say is ‘sabar ja la Emma…’ In life, there are always ups and downs like a rollercoaster ride…journeys in life are always difficult…but I told myself that if I keep on mourning over all of my problems, I will never move on…I decided to tell myself that life is a wonderful journey, paint it with beautiful colours…At the end of July, I told myself that all of the depression should stop immediately…I need to focus back in my life…F*** off to any one that put on stupid shits in my life…I don’t care anymore…this is my life…I’ll live it in my own way…I am not the person that will care about anyone anymore if you won’t listen to me…there will be no more ‘I do care about you’ Emma…So, lets us all sail our own ship all by our own…I think we all need to grow up, respect each others and look at life from different angles now…I will still be a friend that listen to every ones’ problems but I think it is about time we start to solve our own problems by themselves right??? I will always give out my advice but it is up to all of you to listen or whatever you guys want to do with it…All the best because I love all of you till death…

The Given Memories of All Memories

2008-09-14T02:44:00.001-07:00

Where the hell is that place? This was the very first question that popped out of my head when I was destined to leave my very precious hometown as my faith brought me to the place that taught me the real meaning of being an independent individual as I have to stand my own feet without my parents, learning to think wisely as a matured person and most of all to treasure the value of friendship.

This is the place that I will surely miss for the rest of my life. Yes, I have to admit it as I first thought this place could be like hell and when I first came here I felt that I was in 1980s. Nevertheless, it was better than what I had imagined and my first impression was totally off beam. The place I labeled as 1980s town turned to be the greatest place to escape from who I was before (I was a homey-girl according to my friends back in hometown) and it was only after all of us discovered Penang after Francis Light (we always used this phrase) as well as other ‘hidden beauties of it’. Yes, every place does come with its very own package.

This place was the place where I learnt to fly and spread my wings without crossing the limit and passport rules given by myself to myself. I considered the voyage given by God to me to this particular place was a detour to be a better person and as an eye-opener to me. I was living under my parents’ roof for 18 years and they guided me in my life before. Learning to fly and to spread my wings was not as easy as a b c and personally; it took me more than what I have been through before. I need to be very wise in every step I made to make sure my life in this place runs as smooth as it should be.

In this place, I found a wonderful yet unutterable treasure that I will cherish for the rest of my life. A family. A family consists of a mixture of us which yet became one. A family which I can be proud if I was asked to portray them to the rest of the world. All of us; from being friends to partners in crimes, three stooges, bujats, admirers, couples, best of friends and most of all brothers and sisters. As for me, after all the obstacles that we all have been through together, we are separate pieces of puzzle that came from various jigsaws that made out an image. Thanks for being part of me because I know I’m not a perfect person but all of you help me to be a better person each and everyday. There is nothing that I can do to repay back all of the bitter and sweet memories that all of you had gave to me. May God gives all the best of luck and blessings to all of you.

All of these time, I have been wondering whether I will miss this place once I says out my last goodbye. Without my consent, I will be leaving a piece of my life that is this place but I know everything must come to an end. I’ve completed a chapter of my life here and there will be a new beginning for me. Yes, perhaps I will miss Kedah and all the good deeds that it had offered me but my journey of life needs to go on. Kedah is only a pit-stop for me and I have bigger obstacles ahead waiting to be challenge.

my old blog...can get it in my friendster's acc

2008-09-14T02:17:00.000-07:00

yeah...u guys can get my previous blog thr...

i sumtimes dun hav enough time writing blogs actually...

hehehe...bt i thnk nw i hav too cuz yesh...bz a bit bt i need 2 find tyme doing thngs i wana do ait??

i've learnt a lot nowadays...i deserve 2 b happy n im doing thngs dat makes me feel happy nw...

so...sorry if i happen 2 hurt people dat i love d most...sorry...