I duno whr I should begin. My life now is quit miserable. Maybe I was the one yg create all the problems and mess. Skrg nie maybe klau ada yg perasan, Im more alone n I seldom talk. Sy berfikir bha tu. Klau di rumah, I kinda dlm bilik and all. If outside I'll be alone too. I need time alone and think. Mcm2 jd skrg nie. Byk gila my personal problems now. I hope i can cope up wif all of it. I need advice actually from all of you. I really feel I'm in the middle of nowhere now.
1st, my family problem. Ive just lost my 1st grandson yesterday. I still cant believe I had a grandson tapi sy ttp terima dia but belum smpt jumpa lg, he passed away already. Dahlah post morterm x dpt buat cepat2, kesian budak tu. Baru jak 9 days old. Kesian. May God blessed his soul. Remember dear, eventho 'nenek' x pernah jmpa kmu and i dunno ur name but I'll always remember you cuz u've been part of us. Amen.
2nd, still my family problem. I duno wht 2 say 2 her. Dia yg plg rapat wif me la if my cuzzen yg pompuan. Kmi2 ja msa tu. She's 5 years older den me. She told me about another cuzzen yg pernah couple dgn dia dlu2. Ingat lg sy msa tu, I was the 'akak postman'. Heehee. Dia ni cuzzen belah my mum pnya datuk n d guy is 1 of our relatives la. Sma kpg. Rumah dia sebelah rmh kmi. Long story short. He left her for anothr woman. Now, after few years, he told my other cuzzen yg dia menyesal kawin wif d wife. He menyesal kasi tinggal c Adel. After dos fucking years bha, anak dah 3 org bru tau menyesal? Jenis lelaki apakah itu kwn2? He left her when she really need him last time. My cuzzen told him dat pa guna nak menyesal skrg nie? Dua2 dah ada keluarga sendiri. Biarlah pa yg dey pernah kongsi jd sweet memories. Mmg betul kan pa dia ckp? She asked me bout dis. I said yeah, she was right. I told her she didnt lost nythng. My othr cuzzen yg rugi. Adel baik sgt2 dgn dia. She even waited 4 him for like few years tp he blum lg nmpk pa2. I hope ive given d correct advice. Korg agree x?
3rd, my own personal problem. Ntah knp I feel i wanna share it wif all of u. I noe u guys tau kan siapa lelaki yg plg rapat wif me? I think x perlu la sy mention sapa but i noe u guys noe sapa ait? For me he's my mirror. Dia btl2 reflect me. He noes my way of thinking. Yup. Mmg sy syg dia. Sy syg dia mcm sy syg Jonat n Georgy. Tapi I dun understand y people x phm our situation. Tolonglah phm bleh ka? I dun hve my bestfrens wif me hre. Dats y i turn 2 him on everythng. Skati jak ckp yg bukan2 psl kmi. Kmi pn ada perasaan bha. Jgn la buat mcm tu. Maybe korg nmpk kmi slalu bersama so u guys assume we have dis special romance feelings n romantic relationship but actually xda. Kmi rapat as gud frens. Kmi even more den bestfrens. Mmg our relationship xda mcm kwn n we both admit it kmi mmg mcm couple sbb we're both comfortable wif each others n we share everythng. Maybe salah us oso kot but apa slh kmi? Dari dlu lg kmi mcm tu. Hw can we change our relationship? Kmi ignore n pekakkn our telinga tp d more we buat mcm tu, d more u guys seems 2 disrespect our feelings. Ok lg if bnda nie between kita kwn2 BUT nw mcm smua org dh ingt kmi as couple. We both dun wan our parents fikir lain2 sbb our parents tau kmi sgt2 rapat. Just dat jgn bcuz of dis rumours since dlu2 yg x penah lapuk n nw makin truk, kmi pnya relationship kna ruin. We will nvr salahkn ourselves but always remember kmi mmg akan salahkn c pembawa mulut2 ini. I need ur respect n advice on dis matter. Tolong us k? Hentikan smua nie sbb kmi pn ada perasaan. Tolong sebarkan kesakitan hati kmi ini kpd rakan2, kwn2,teman2 dan yg seangkatan ya agar kmi dpt hidup dgn tenang.
4th, disebabkan bnda yg atas nie, I kinda distance myself wif a guy. I noe sum of u duno bout Jay. Long story short. Kmi prnh ada relationship. I just dun wanna think bout nie lg actually but faith brings me to him again. Tapi lepas pa yg jd di atas, sy ckp psl dia pn mcm x guna. U guys seem to dun understand bha. I'm trying my best 2 stay wif Jay n open my heart dkt dia tp korg ckp len plak. Masih lg ckp psl me dgn org len. Korg even x caya i was wif Jay n dis effect my relationship wif him. N now wana noe wht my decision is? To stay wif wht i hve nw. Im leaving Jay. Hw can I stay in a relationship if bnda2 len ada menganggu? Fikir2 la korg. Sy syg dia tp if dia dpt tau psl rumours nie, siapa yg kna? Of coz me n d innocent party kan? Org2 yg menyebarkn rumours? U guys get nuthng. We both yg akan kna. Untuk save both my relationships, I hve to stay frens wif both. Did i did a right thing?
