It's October Already Isnt It???

Waw...for such a long tyme in my life i havnt wrote in my blog...too busy wif school...huhuhu...im sorry cuz i kinda neglect dis place dat had becoming my addiction once upon a tyme b4...sorry blog...hehehe...

Updates???Hurm...lots of it...lots of changes in life...lots of dramatic things happened in my life...i regret some of my stupidness n im blisfull wif some parts of my life...problems come and go...my 4th sem in UiTM Shah Alam???well...more of ups n downs...luckily i have cool classmates dat keep me happy n witty all the tyme...if x i'll kill myself for sure...hahahaa!!!

Frens???Hw can i described them???some are ok n some are x but mostly not...i had dis fucking huge fight for almost 1 month wif a fren...now i released dat i cant life w/out him...we're ok nw but it did bring a big impact in our frenship...we're more apart den bt it's ok...i've learnt 4rm my mistake...

My other frens???problems too but im sure we all can get through it...THINK WIF OUR BRAIN AND NOT OUR HEART...im sure we cn get through...

Final is just around d corner...i hope i'll do well...huhu...go emma!!!

I Really Should Have Listen to My Mummy...

My mum told me few weeks before that I shouldnt be too close with a somebody. I was like defending myself and him. She told me that I should kinda have gabs with him. Now, I believe her. I think she's right. Just so damn right. Ive started to realise something has to be done. Mummy was always right.

I've realized something. I should have not be too close with him. Too much things had been said and done between me and him. I think I should step back a bit. Recently, I just want to scream to his face and make him realized he hurts me too damn much.

Things like too much excuses, too much I have other plans, all those lies and all those blank promises. That is so selfish dude. Go. Go and have fun with your friends that seems to be there with you when you really need help. Let us see whether you can live without me.

OMG! I've been there for you in too many ways. I've given too much because you have a special place in my heart. What the hell am I thinking? I think I have to think back on this one because you seems to take all of it for granted.

I just wanna say thanks to my mum. She made me realize this one. Thanks mummy and I love you! And to this dear friend, sorry dude. Case seems to be closed and I guess everything will be different for you.

In few days time (when I'm ready to let you go), there will be no more goodnite textes, how's your day greetings, plans of going out and all of the things we used to do before. I'm just too bored with all of it already.

I'll leave you just to see if we're both better without each other. In my opinion, there will be not even a single person that will do what I've done with you. I'm so sorry of letting you suffer like this and I believe you have better people around you. You'll forget me fast actually. Trust me.

a simple note for everyone

__frens, gudluck for final exams guys...we can do it...may God's blessing be with us...amen__

++dearest ogy, happy bday in advance...luv u till death...keep up dos stupid,crazee jokes k???luv u sweetheart++

__my family in miri...i mish all of u n i cant wait to be home!!!ai!!!__

++to myself...emma, boleh tu...usaha lebih ckit...gear up babe!!!luv u emma!!!++

__my BSS family (shah alam + kedah) again, all the best for final n study smart ya guys...my hsemates...let us burn the night oil n candles...hehehe...bising2 pn x pa...my lalink sae n frens in kedah...cant wait for u guys...buat betul2 tau...__

++huhu...i'll x be writing dis blog for a long tyme ltr...final exam is just in 2 days tyme...OMG!!!tyme flies kan???huhu...i wish i can do my best...++

__im so much in troubles actually but i kinda settled some of it...thanks 2 all yg involved...my frens n 'fiance'...terima kasih kamu semua...__

++this year seems to suck so damn much...i hope after half year pass i'll be ok...x more unwanted problems n all...pray hard to God...++

__i think i'll better stop nw...im gonna mish writing lar~ hua hua hua...bubye!!!__

++out!!!++

going back to where i really belong

im so excited lar!!!i finally can say IM COMING BACK HOME!!!i mish dem so damn much bha...believe it or not it's been i dunno maybe 4 months or 5 since i last met them...only God noes hw much i cant wait 2 get home n i wana kacau edgar(yup...yg tdo ni edgar) n wana go jln2 wif him...wait a mok...im coming back 4 revenge!!!hahaha!!!

and dis 1 of coz...dat always drive me off the walls!!!i mish his innocentness...Gosh~ i really cant wait!!!mesti he gemuk sdh nw...:P

my new angel...Joycelyn...huhu...aunty misses u so much dear!!!i noe u're a big girl odi!!!sob3~~~really n seriously cant wait 2 hold her in my arms!!!arrghh!!!i hate dis feeling!!!

and of coz...dis crazy buddies!!!mick,olive n my dearest toi!!!apu...seriously!!!!!!!!knapa bha begitu lma!!!!i wanna hug dem all!!!i'll be going back 2 miri dis 9th May 2009...im looking 4ward 2 meet ALL of dem...my anak2 n cuzzies lain...i texted my cuzzies straight away after i confirmed my ticket...:D

so...Miri...here i come!!!

xoxo!!!

p/s: b4 dat menderita dlu 4 final!!!arrghh!!!tension lg!!!

bila org cakap buruk pasal org yg kta plg syg

i was having dis phone conversation wif a girl yg mengaku dia ex-gf my close fren...sengaja sy srh dia brcrita pjg lebar...byk bnda yg sy fikir dia tipu sy sbb pa yg she told me 2 mmg mcm bkn btul sbb my dear fren x buat pn bnda2 mcm 2...all i noe is dia mmg akn respect org...girls especially...selama sy knl dgn dia, he nvr does nythng yg bleh buat me hilang respect wif him...

maybe dia jahat in certain ways dlu...i admit dis...bt x penah terlintas pn dlm my mind yg dia akn bwa pompuan msk bilik dia n buat bnda yg bukan2...i noe kalau pn dia sgt2 syg org tu, he x kn buat mcm tu...i evr went 2 his hse n hang out bt xda la smpi mcm 2...he pn slalu g my hse siap stay over lg...klau dia btl2 jht,lma sdh dia buat jht to me kan?lma kot sy knal dia...tell me mna tmpt yg kmi x penah pegi brsama alone...dia x penah over2 n i noe 4rm dat he's a gud guy...klau dgn me he can buat mcm tu, knapa dia x bleh respect org len kan?

in my opinion, dis girl frust sbb dia xdpt a gud relationship wif him...dia yg buat hal n nw x nak mengaku but dats their past...all i wana noe is knapa dia suka libatkn dis guy in any matters...geram oo sy...adakah ptt she said lyke dat...smpi dia ckp phone number dia pn kna reg under my fren's name...huuhuu...grow up will u bt as if i care if she tipu me bt pentingkah if u tell me?bukan ada effect pn dgn sy...ko yg nmpknya kenot buang him 4rm ur life...

maybe jg dia mk buat me jeles kot memandangkn byk bnda she said mesti psl my close fren...dia ckp she broke up wif her bf pn psl him,dia pnya num pn reg under my fren's name, her 2st luv pn him, bla bla bla...huuhuu...if she nak tau, nuthng will makes me hilang my trust n respect to him cuz i noe he's a great n noble guy...dia byk bg me courage in life 2 keep me go on dr smua aspects...if org tu x buat buruk dgn kita,buat pa kan we wanna jht2 wif dem?

__I NEED ADVICE AND RESPECT__

I duno whr I should begin. My life now is quit miserable. Maybe I was the one yg create all the problems and mess. Skrg nie maybe klau ada yg perasan, Im more alone n I seldom talk. Sy berfikir bha tu. Klau di rumah, I kinda dlm bilik and all. If outside I'll be alone too. I need time alone and think. Mcm2 jd skrg nie. Byk gila my personal problems now. I hope i can cope up wif all of it. I need advice actually from all of you. I really feel I'm in the middle of nowhere now.

1st, my family problem. Ive just lost my 1st grandson yesterday. I still cant believe I had a grandson tapi sy ttp terima dia but belum smpt jumpa lg, he passed away already. Dahlah post morterm x dpt buat cepat2, kesian budak tu. Baru jak 9 days old. Kesian. May God blessed his soul. Remember dear, eventho 'nenek' x pernah jmpa kmu and i dunno ur name but I'll always remember you cuz u've been part of us. Amen.

2nd, still my family problem. I duno wht 2 say 2 her. Dia yg plg rapat wif me la if my cuzzen yg pompuan. Kmi2 ja msa tu. She's 5 years older den me. She told me about another cuzzen yg pernah couple dgn dia dlu2. Ingat lg sy msa tu, I was the 'akak postman'. Heehee. Dia ni cuzzen belah my mum pnya datuk n d guy is 1 of our relatives la. Sma kpg. Rumah dia sebelah rmh kmi. Long story short. He left her for anothr woman. Now, after few years, he told my other cuzzen yg dia menyesal kawin wif d wife. He menyesal kasi tinggal c Adel. After dos fucking years bha, anak dah 3 org bru tau menyesal? Jenis lelaki apakah itu kwn2? He left her when she really need him last time. My cuzzen told him dat pa guna nak menyesal skrg nie? Dua2 dah ada keluarga sendiri. Biarlah pa yg dey pernah kongsi jd sweet memories. Mmg betul kan pa dia ckp? She asked me bout dis. I said yeah, she was right. I told her she didnt lost nythng. My othr cuzzen yg rugi. Adel baik sgt2 dgn dia. She even waited 4 him for like few years tp he blum lg nmpk pa2. I hope ive given d correct advice. Korg agree x?

3rd, my own personal problem. Ntah knp I feel i wanna share it wif all of u. I noe u guys tau kan siapa lelaki yg plg rapat wif me? I think x perlu la sy mention sapa but i noe u guys noe sapa ait? For me he's my mirror. Dia btl2 reflect me. He noes my way of thinking. Yup. Mmg sy syg dia. Sy syg dia mcm sy syg Jonat n Georgy. Tapi I dun understand y people x phm our situation. Tolonglah phm bleh ka? I dun hve my bestfrens wif me hre. Dats y i turn 2 him on everythng. Skati jak ckp yg bukan2 psl kmi. Kmi pn ada perasaan bha. Jgn la buat mcm tu. Maybe korg nmpk kmi slalu bersama so u guys assume we have dis special romance feelings n romantic relationship but actually xda. Kmi rapat as gud frens. Kmi even more den bestfrens. Mmg our relationship xda mcm kwn n we both admit it kmi mmg mcm couple sbb we're both comfortable wif each others n we share everythng. Maybe salah us oso kot but apa slh kmi? Dari dlu lg kmi mcm tu. Hw can we change our relationship? Kmi ignore n pekakkn our telinga tp d more we buat mcm tu, d more u guys seems 2 disrespect our feelings. Ok lg if bnda nie between kita kwn2 BUT nw mcm smua org dh ingt kmi as couple. We both dun wan our parents fikir lain2 sbb our parents tau kmi sgt2 rapat. Just dat jgn bcuz of dis rumours since dlu2 yg x penah lapuk n nw makin truk, kmi pnya relationship kna ruin. We will nvr salahkn ourselves but always remember kmi mmg akan salahkn c pembawa mulut2 ini. I need ur respect n advice on dis matter. Tolong us k? Hentikan smua nie sbb kmi pn ada perasaan. Tolong sebarkan kesakitan hati kmi ini kpd rakan2, kwn2,teman2 dan yg seangkatan ya agar kmi dpt hidup dgn tenang.

4th, disebabkan bnda yg atas nie, I kinda distance myself wif a guy. I noe sum of u duno bout Jay. Long story short. Kmi prnh ada relationship. I just dun wanna think bout nie lg actually but faith brings me to him again. Tapi lepas pa yg jd di atas, sy ckp psl dia pn mcm x guna. U guys seem to dun understand bha. I'm trying my best 2 stay wif Jay n open my heart dkt dia tp korg ckp len plak. Masih lg ckp psl me dgn org len. Korg even x caya i was wif Jay n dis effect my relationship wif him. N now wana noe wht my decision is? To stay wif wht i hve nw. Im leaving Jay. Hw can I stay in a relationship if bnda2 len ada menganggu? Fikir2 la korg. Sy syg dia tp if dia dpt tau psl rumours nie, siapa yg kna? Of coz me n d innocent party kan? Org2 yg menyebarkn rumours? U guys get nuthng. We both yg akan kna. Untuk save both my relationships, I hve to stay frens wif both. Did i did a right thing?

the story so far

hey!!! its thursday nite and i just wanna update all of you bout my pending stuff!!!hehehe....so far so good guys!!!

okay...first thing first...

1. buy n post my dad's punya pesanan
__havent yet!!!no tyme...seriously!!!___
2. post back my car's doc to miri
__yes...ill be going 2 d post office 2morrow wif daryl__
3. buat my drama's both literature and mandarin scripts
__passed up literature's n mandarin 1 blum abz lg...ok la...ada progress__
4. finish my BEL's outline
__done!!!claps2!!!__
5. revision for my mandarin
__mcm cilaka!!!i did badly!!!:(( repeat la aku nie...__
6. assignment politics
__tinggal nak buat lg__

next...my plan...

1. starts a termendously healthy diet
__berjaya tapi nw tgh mkn fries...hahaha!!!__
2. be serious in my study
__masih blom menyesal...:(__
3. attend all my classes
__ive skipped my admin's class...so stupid__
4. if can i wanna let God decide wht will actually happen to me n him
__ada sign but coudnt get it cuz he keeps on texting me...apakah itu???__

im burning my weekends dis week...i'll be having my criminal's test dis coming saturday n im gonna be at intec sec 17 for lex familia day dis sunday...:( mesti penat...

next week pula:

1. replacement for criminal - monday
2. BEL's presentation...monday kna jmpa mdm bharjan tuk discuss outline...
3. mandarin listening and writing test...mampus la aku...

i'll write more later ok???chao...:)
wish me luck!!!

A More Serious Life

huhu...in a month time, i will not be enjoying my life as i am nw...:D ye lar...its final odi...i dunno actually pa sbnrnya yg me merepek dis...all i noe im still x in d mood of doing any revision but i noe i must starts from now...

i have lots n lots of stuff to do n it's still pending...:( sad sad sad...wanna cry ja bila me ingat!!!Lord in heaven...please help me...amen...terasa betul odi final dh staring at me...

my pending things to do n wht i should do next week:
1. buy n post my dad's punya pesanan (since january...sorry daddy...)
2. post back my car's doc to miri (i'll be posting it n MUST post it next week)
3. buat my drama's both literature and mandarin scripts <--penangguhan yg TERLAMPAU...
4. finish my BEL's outline (due this wednesday)
5. revision for my mandarin (test dis coming THURSDAY)
6. assignment politics (OMG!!!aku blum dpt question dia lagi)
__i promise to finish ALL of the above by dis coming week...wish me luck k???__

next...my plan after next week...kalau can la...mmg berharap sangat2...*crossing fingers* :
1. starts a termendously healthy diet (im starting now but blum ketat sgt)
2. be serious in my study (NO MORE FOOLING AROUND) starts getting 2 gear 3 odi...finals later masuk gear 5...dun mess wif me ok???
3. attend all my classes...(notes in EVERY CLASS...jangan tidur lagi in E&T's class...x more joking around in Admin's class...BEL...jangan main2 lg...)
4. if can i wanna let God decide wht will actually happen to me n him...give me another sign...i need it Lord...biar pa pun yg akan jadi, i'll accept it with open heart...:) amen...
__conclusion: GET SERIOUS EMMA!!! __

[i'll keep you guys updated if i managed to finish and achieve my goals k???wish me luck!!!xoxo]

thank you!!!

+ never thought i would celebrate my bday with 3 parties...
yup...on my bday(lunch and dinner )
the next day again wif rai n frens or can i say my 2nd family???ahaha!!!
thanks ya u guys... a lot i mean...:D
luv u guys till death!!!

+ i wanna say thanks to:

1. family in miri...
__mummy...luv u so much...thanks 4 all d green lights!!!sayang u so much mummy__
__daddy...mish u love!!!dad!!!i'm still ur lil girl...jgn risau...thanks 4 all d love...mish u dad...i mish all dos butterfly kisses n dos warm hugs...mo nangis me day!!!__
__edgar n derek...sister luv u both...i'll give u guys d whole world if i hve to do so...ed,thanks 4 d cute song!!!mish u mok!!!__
__aunties n uncles...thanks ya!!!u guys mmg cool!!!cuzzies!!!superb thanks!!!mish u all!!!__
__nenek!!!me mish u!!!__

2. my hsemates(enong,ogy,veron n ivy)
__saya sayang korg...byk u guys buat tuk me...im sorry if i've ever hurt all of u...__
__enong: thanks 4 de barbie doll...sa ska...:D kim slm wif freddy k???__
__ogy:thanks 4 d cake...:D syg ko dear...__
__veron:sa syg ko jg...thanks 4 d kisses...:P pizza oso...__
__ivy:shit!!!u bought me dat book???OMG!!!mo menangis me!!!thanks love___

3. my sister, elisa...
__u r d coolest!!!send my kisses 2 abg max oso k???eventho we x ikut plan tu but i really2 menghargai d approval...thanks max...thanks 4 d trust uve given 2 me...ej...thank you dear...ko mmg best___

4. daryl~ku...
__u r so damn sporting!!!dats wht me syg u sesangat...thanks 4 all dos time...eventho ko mmg2 busy n all...sorry if i screamed,mad n fight wif u...thanks 4 d session..if x mmg me still x trust u lg...__

5. raiville, the belated bday girl...
__happy bday my sister in christ...hahaha!!!best kan our cake???thanks 4 d party too rai...me luv u till death...next year we buat lg k???ahahaa!!!dis tyme mesti yg btl2 cool pnya...__

6. nick, my bro...
__thank you bro...same...u r also like ur bro...korg mmg la...aish...duno wht 2 say la...thanks 2 ur dad oso...dia pn kira sporting oso...gud luck 4 ur pilot thingy k???ur my one of my best bros...__

7. aloy, my lalink!!!
__sayam...terima kasih darla...adikku...sa syg ko...u're always thr 4 me x matter wht happen...u r d perfect gift 4 me...walaupn poket kering n kaki sakit...u're still thre!!!__

8. darren my abg...
__eventho ko lmbt but u still come...thanks abg...wish u well in d ps2 game!!!go darren!!!xoxo!!!thanks aa ko jaga us since dkt kedah lg...thanks abg!!!__

9. rai's hsemates...
__u guys pn ROXS!!!cool ok!!!mmg best la!!!thanks korg!!!__

10. azad, danial, afif n ur fren...hehe...duno his name ma...so sorry...
__hehehe...thanks ya!!!eventho me hang2 dat tyme...thanks 4 d 5 mins jmpa2 n gelak2...jan kasitau org k???ahax!!__

11.my frens...
__jane,ayen,georgy n all: thanks 4 d bday wishes k???me luv u all...thanks ya korg...__
__my frens yg wished me thro texts,wishes 4rm fs n fb,wishes yg cakap2 tu...thanks ya!!!ingat jg korg me...thanks you guys!!!syg korg jg...__

12. sapa lg ek???ooo...every1 lar k???
__my juniors yg wished me...thanks u guys...me ingat jg kt korg...syg my adik2...sherer,ryn,rahimi,khairil n all...__

lame excuses and bullshits!!!

My parents always told me to be good and nice to people around me...love them as much as you love yourself...never make them feel down...they are parts of you...give them the best out of you...

Last few days, this phrase keeps playing in my mind...i have time for people around me...i have time for my family, my bestfriends, my good friend, my 2nd family and my friends...they are part of me...when they need me i'll always be there for them even if im too busy with my own jobs, problems and all...i'll always say, " yeah...sure...i'll be there..." , "okay...what time???" , " i'll be there in no time"...even if im superb busy, i'll always be there also... i'll say, "i'll be there but i'll be a bit late..." or just a short "ok"... as far as i know and remember, i never turn them down yet...did i ever???if i have, please let me know okay???

Now, i have this really bad feeling in me...i start to think and feel the most important individuals seems to forget a person name Emma in their life dictionary...where are you when i really need all of you???i dont need lots of time from all of you...i just want a little ibsy bitsy, tiny little time from you...just an hour...most is only two hours...what did you guys tell me???bullshits and dumb stupid lame excuses...why cant you give me that???OMG!!!im so selfish but i need to spend bit of time also ait with people that i care the most???i deserve it...did i ever give those damn lame bullshits???if i have, please let me know okay???

If you wanna what i really want right now for my birthday, i just need TIME...a bit of time from all of you especially my LOVE ONES...

my birthday wish(es actually)...hahax!!!

1. aloy playing his violin for me...
> boleh ka tu???hurm... <

2. more tyme 4rm my frens on my bday...
> rozy's job tu kumpul dem...lame excuses n bullshits r x anymore accepted... <

3. veron's job...
> she noes wht she's supposed 2 do...hehehe(evil's laugh) <

4. more money 4rm my daddy...
> i wanna go buy bha dat books!!! just rm80 only bha... <

5. him...:P
> still crossing my fingers tho but its like way too impossible... <

6. Man Utd wins d match against Liverpool dis coming saturday...
> dats my bet okay...if x truk me dis... <

7. well...actually i want my guy frens 2 cook 4 me...:)
> hehe...i still remember dis 1 okay...tersenyum simpul lg mereka ktika me ask dem dis last month <

8. i wanna eat vogok, bereq, as in short pig...
> ooopppssss!!!!!!!OMG!!! <

9. a confession session wif my close ones...
> dun ask me y but i just wanna do...its like ages since i had it wif u guys... <


10. beach!!!
> i mish penang...:( <

the one i once loved and the one i learn to love

LOVE...

what is love???love brings lots of meaning and every individual in this world has their own definition for love...what does love really means???well...it depends...Love is not a single feeling but an emotion built from two or more feelings...love is God...love is friendship...love is patient...love is kind..it has no envy nor it boasts itself and it is never proud...it rejoices over the evil and is the truth seeker...

i fall in love for the first time when i was back way too young to understand the meaning of love and it was something that was really inspiring...he was my motivation...i was so pathetic back then...he was seriously my first love...it was in 2000 when i first fall for someone very dear and his name was Shane Steven Filan... :)

yup yup...believe me...i was too naive...too dump...hahaha!!!he has the voice of an angel for me...his voice can just make me fly high...i was totally too over him...i cant sleep at night without listening to him singing to me at night...my family knew bout me addicted to him and they well...just smiled and he's my shining star at that time...i have a secret actually...i really hope one sweet day(and i prayed hard okay) i'll finally meet him and he can sing for me...fingers still crossed till now...haha!!!

as time past by...things changed but i was still in love with him...i was left heartbroken in 2003, 28 December to be exact when he got married to his childhood friend by the name of Gillian Walsh...waw!!!there you go...i've lost my favourite pearl and i dont even know if i can find another one as priceless as he is...LOL~seriously and frankly speaking i really hate that date till now...it reminds me of my past...but still i listened to his voice singing to me every now and then until once again i got hit with a news...he's a daddy already on 23 July 2005 to Nicole Rose Filan...it was a turning point for me...hahaha!!!i felt all those walls were falling upon me and i was stupidly shocked...

i know i seriously sound stupid and full of imaginations but he carved tonnes of memories in me especially during my childhood days...i grew up with his music and everything...he kinda made me the person who im really am now...listening to him through his music teaches me the true meaning of love from songs that he and his lads are singing...i learnt the definition of love,hurt and joy through their songs...

after all those stupid incidents, i betrayed him and the lads...he became someone that i no longer listen to...he still stays in my heart but only as a Westlifer...i listen to other music, people and songs...i kill the feeling of love to him...i seriously seldom listen to him anymore...

after few years of recovering, i can say that im okay and he is still my idol actually...he has two kids by now...a couple...Patrick Michael Filan was born on 15 September 2008...i was kinda happy for him...i can say he's a great father actually by the pictures that i've seen but still he a great male singer to me...in fact i start to listen to him again this year (2009) and can proudly say that im still aspire by his voice even after 9 years of listening to him...i still have his pictures in my laptop and everything...

Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro came in the picture when i was in the process of healing, a friend of mine actually gave me a newspaper cutting on him...it was 4 years ago...his portfolio was quite impressive and i goggled on him after that...my first opinion bout him???he's talented and quite good looking...LOL~ i started to let and teach myself to fall for him...hard though but he's too hot not to fall for...

he's actually a great role model in life because he achieved lots of success in his life (i know he'll achieve more in future) and he never gives up...he keeps on trying and that's the spirit that makes me learn to love him...it's not all about his looks and personality...i dont really care about his personal life because i know he's a casanova...hahaha!!!

it's not that im looking for now but im looking for someone who i can look up to in life...his spirit and determination gives me something new in making myself a better person...he worked hard for who he is now and i know i need to be like him too in order to be a successful person...

he is truly actually my valentine because he makes me smile again and i thanked him for that but dont worry shane...you'll always have a special place in my heart...the most important thing is that i've learn both falling in love and to learn to love...

the reason why i posted this post is because people around me keep asking me why im totally looking up to both of them...well, now you guys know why right???this is my secret and im still proud to say that both of them are one of the most successful personalities in their own fields...

once my friends asked me who's the person i fall in love with and the person i learn to love...this is my answer and i know you guys guess it's somebody else...hahaha!!!the person i once fall in love with is Mr. Filan and the person i learn to love is actually my Mr. Aveiro...

too late or too dumb or too stupid???

i duno if ive been too nice...

yeah~

he made me cry again...

i was quit happy wif my day 2day cuz:

a. i wore my fav colour 2 class
b. i have had d sweetest dreams
c.i attended all 5 of my classes
d. i found my phone again

all dos happiness just flushed away like a shattered dreams in just a single second...

i was too gud till i evn shared every single best moments in my life wif him...

yet wht did i got???nuthng!!!

i guess dats wht people really are...

once, i was thr as d most important individual...

in just a minute, im just no one...

just an ordinary people dat walk in his life n walk back out...

waw!!!

whr am i???

who am i???

an individual dat uve been toying wif ait???

watever...

all i wish 4 nw are:

1. i wish i can turn back tyme n i havnt shared too much memories wif him

2. i wish he doesnt even exist in my life

3. i wish i can hve sumsort of memory lost cuz it will be better 4 me to erase all ive share wif him


but stupidly i still pray every single moment in every minute dat a miracle will happen between me n him...

im so fcuking restless n im tired of all dis game...

Lord, family n frens...plz help me...amen...

the day i lost my phone and the truth that shattered my heart

06.02.09

this will be the date that i will remember for the rest of my life...

1. the day i lost my cellphone(my phone yg kecil tu with my celcom's number...sob3)

2. the day that God's showed me the two paths in my life...


i dont really care bout my cellphone because i know i can get a new one but i had to blocked my mumber...

that was the saddest part cuz most of my close ones always contact me through that number...

i had to borrowed christine's phone in order to do that...thanks christine!!!xoxo!!!


the second things that happened that day really-really opened my eyes...

i cried myself to sleep that night...

blaming God on the truth that stared at me when ive decided to be a 'hacker'...

my heart was crushed and i felt numb...

my prayers seemed to be answered...

answered with the truth that i really dont want to know...

the truth that would keep me shutting the door to my heart...

BUT upon this two incidents that had happened to me...

ive learnt that...

1. i must be careful with my things and dont simple takes thing for granted...

2. be thankful to God because the things you have in this world comes from Him...

3. usually...if ive had a broken heart...i would just let him go...i would cried my heart out...i would just say, "i'll let him go because i really love him and that the best thing that i should do..." but now...i will not repeat the same stupid mistakes ever again...i woke up the next morning and ive realized that i must keep on going and pray every now and then that he will love me the way i love him...i will never stop because this is the only miracle that i wish for and this will be the best thing that will happen in my life...

Lord...please take care of him...amen...

im so panic rite now...

wht happen 2 him???

OMG!!!

i just dno wht 2 do...

im too worry bout him...

will he be okay???

i hope so...



Lord...

please take care of him...

make him be okay...

he's too precious for me...

AMEN...

tagged by xang~

5 things u dun noe bout me...

1. hurm...im into shontelle's and we the kings's music now...
__yup2...hehehe...go listen 2 shontelle's battle cry...best!!!__


2. deeply in luv wif tutt...
__go figure who...complicated tho but im tryin my best 2 heal my broken heart...wish me well__


3. i'll be using black when i feel really2 down...
__now pn me tgh pakai black since 2 weeks ago...mmg colourless la aku skrg nie...___


4. i sumtimes watch filipino movies...
__best lar evntho i dun noe sum of d dialogues but it's fun cuz dis is d tyme me go checking out d hot filipino actors...hahahaa!!!__


5. i have a bunny rabbit's teddy dat will be 18 soon...:)
__it was a gift 4 my bday 4rm my aunt long tyme ago...me bwa xavier(his name) evrywhr if i travel...__


**i just duno who i wanna tag...:D hehehe...so...tag tag!!!tagging every1!!!

memang me rasa marah

pahal bha???mcm shit ja nie...aiyo~ emma sudah memaki...
apakah???hahaha!!!lawak la...cali!!!merepek odi dis...

i just dun wanna blame sapa2 la but klau bukan sebab dia, i dun thnk i'll change...
mcm c**** bha!!! i dun like 2 feel dis way tapi kan...entah lah!!!knapa slalu ja me like dis???

i noe...once u noe wht ive done...
i'll guarantee u'll hate me more den ther people u hate d most in dis whole wide world...

satu ja i wan u 2 noe...me jd like dis pn bcuz of u...dun ever blame me if u noe ive changed CUZ u're d 1 dat hve changed me...4rm my side u're d 1 2 b blame...dun u ever tanya me y...

i just wanna say sorry if ive did any wrong...maybe me ada tersalah mna2...
i dun thnk i wana turn bax cuz i noe u wont b thr 4 me...

++changes in life++

life is full of surprises...life is happy, sad, witty, blissful yet troublesome...in short, life is too complicated...people need changes in life too but somehow a change in life may leads us to not a better tomorrow but a nightmare from hell...yeah...that is life...people may change because that is what they want but some people change because they just do not realize it...

as for me, I think this year (even though new year just started) does bring too much change in my life and to others that are close to me too...for the past few days, my life turned out from hectic to chaos to whatever that you can called busy and surprising...I received lots and lots of unexpected news, numerous unwanted accidents and tones of treasureable new experiences and memories...

I still cannot believe a confession a very close individual had told me...as I am writing all this words down, I am still in shocked...I cant even believe whatever that had been told...they were all unbearable...now I can actually says that I do believe that people change so quickly...I know I do change a lot too...but I think all those news that I just got were really-really shocking...I became numb and I got lost in words...I was speechless...in my opinion now, you should not regret what you've done because that's the path that you've chose and there is no turning back...so, held you head high and please do not regret your decision...love you so much... :)

there are so much things that I wanted to write in this particular post but I don’t think I can do that...life has changed so dramatically for some of us...I took some of it positively because I just don’t want to think about it anymore...it's extremely hard and I know some of us is struggling to fight and win...hey...good luck and I know you can do it...some of us may took things and people for granted and we never realize that what we've done may hurt them...so...grow up and stop hurting others...

it's nearly 2 weeks after new year...I’ve gone through hell, heaven, hell, paradise, hell again ect act.. I've did lots of things and learnt much more than i can ever imagine...I am quit blissful and I just want to thank God with all those experiences...I’ve laugh and poured my heart hell like crazy, I’ve think legally like a professional, I’ve cried like there were no tomorrows, I’ve gone through adventures like a survivor and I am proud to say that I am ready for lots and lots of other experiences that 2009 will brings...

what I think makes me a tougher individual for the past few weeks are God, my parents, my family and of course my 2nd family...these people help me and had made my life easier...I could just called them when I need them...I could just shared what I feel with my 2nd family and all...what makes me proud the most is that they are always always been there for me...there's nothing in this whole wide world that could ever change how I feel when I know they really really love and care about me and they are there when I really need shoulders to cry on...you guys catch me when I fall...

I just cant repay back all of those tones of helps, tears of joy, hard cracking jokes and all that you guys had created just to make me feel comfortable and smile again...thank you and may God bless all of you for the rest of 2009...love you guys till death and always remember that you guys are the treasure that I have and I am proud to have you guys as the missing pieces of me...