The Teardrops 4rm My Eyes

Whn i was doing my revision on constitutional law 2 (cuz i got 3.5/15), i was thnkin of listening 2 a song dat reminds me of sum1...teardrops on my guitar by taylor swift...once, whn i decided 2 hav a blog, i made a promise 2 myself...NEVER WRITE ABOUT DIS PARTICULAR PERSON IN UR BLOG...wanna noe y???cuz i dun wan people around me 2 noe hw i really feel bout him now n then...i even dun wan people 2 noe who dis particular person is...ive gone thro a lot in order 4 me 2 forget him bt i just fail...each tyme i wanna 4get him, my feelings just dun let me 2 do so...

Who is he???he's my fren isit???is he sum1 dat makes my life blissful???he's sum1 special isit???is dis guy my beshfren???a close fren or a gud fren???he's sum1 dat is owez thr 4 me isit???who d hell is he???i dun even noe d answer myself...im so sorry...all i can say is no matter hw much he hurts me in my life, i cant hav d guts 2 hate him n dats wht i hate d most bout myself...i dun hav d courage 2 hate or even 2 let him out of my life...

I never feel dis kinda shit in my life...i noe dat ive fall 4 d wrong person...shit!!!each n every minute i remind myself dat he's x worth it emma...he doesnt even thnk bout u...set him free 4rm ur heart cuz thr's other person dat deserves u better den him...open ur heart bt i cant...im incapable 2 do so...FUCK!!!im so helpless...he's d 1st thng dats on my mind whn i wake up everyday n he'll b d last 1 b4 i sleep at nite...

I just cant bare dis feeling myself anymore...FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!i duno wht happen 2 me...seriously...ive been hiding all of dis since 4ever n yeah...i told only 1 single soul (i wont tell ny1 u noe bout it) n i noe u guys noe who i told ait???wanna noe y i really need 2 get him out of me???he's taken...shit!!!FUCK FUCK FUCK...dats d reason y i keep on havin my heart broken each tyme i thnk bout dis n it keeps me cryin evntho i dun wan 2...i noe dis sounds crap bt yeah i noe...im so stupid...i even can feel my tears r on its way rolling down my cheeks nw...dis song really reminds me of him...

"He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see dat I wan n I'm needing evrythin dat we should be, I'll bet she's beautiful, dat girl he talks about n she's got evrythin dat I hav 2 live without..."

"He talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny dat I can't even see any1 wen he's wif me, He says he's so in luv, he's finally got it right, I wonder if he noes he's all I think about at night..."

Dats d 1st 2 verse of d song...dats hw i feel whn im wif him...i hav 2 pretend im happy 4 him n each tyme he talks bout her, im hurt...im broken inside bt wht can i do...im his ears...hes owez wif me...he thks of her n i thnk of him...shit!!!wht hurts me d most is whn he said he cant wait till he meet her again...i feel like im just invisible...im just nuthng bt im owez thr 4 him whnever he needs me...d fuckiest thng is dat he plans his future wif her already...hws dat huh???

"He's d reason 4 d teardrops on my guitar...d only thng dat keeps me wishing on a wishing star, He's d song in the car I keep singing, duno y I do..."

Nope...he doesnt only cause me 2 cry on guitar...he even let me cry on my pillow,evrywhr n whnevr i thnk bout hw he treats me n wht he thnks bout me...i nvr fall 4 sum1 dis hard b4...i wish n i really pray 2 God at nite dat 1 day he will b mine bt i noe dis will b vry hard cuz it seems so impossible...God, plz gracefully help me...

"He walks by me, can he tell dat I can't breathe? n thr he goes, so perfectly, d kind of flawless I wish I could be...She'd better hold him tight, give him all her luv...Look in those beautiful eyes n noes she's lucky..."

Maybe i sound so silly cuz yeah...i admit it dat he's d type of guy dat i really2 wish 4 in my life...he has evry single qualities dat i wan in a person...looks n brain n all...gosh...she's so lucky...i cant help it...i just hope dat 1 day, if im able 2 4get him...i wan sum1 like him bt sadly...he's only 1 in dis whole wide world ait???thrs x othr substitute...dat does hurt...n wht hurt d most???i cant hav him...

"So I drive home alone, as I turn out d light, I'll put his picture down n maybe get some sleep tonight..."

Ive tried all my best 2 4get him...y should i feel dis way???yeah...i hav all d thngs 2 reminds me of him wif me...all dos gifts, photos, names, jokes, songs n all...he craves tons of memories in me n i noe we hav more 2 come...dats wht im afraid of...im afraid of leavin him n im oso afraid dat he'll leave me...gosh...i cant really believe im writing all of dis down...im so dump 2 fall 4 him...i wish i nvr meet him cuz its hard 4 me 2 move on as i really fall 4 him evn more each day...its growin each n evryday...i cant handle it nymore...

All i can say now is dat i seriously wan him bt i noe...dis is a hard 1 cuz he seems 2 hav a perfect life in his own wonderland wif his 'alice'...hes so in luv n its d 1st tyme he feels dis way...he doesnt evn feel d same way i do 2wards him...i feel so bump n all!!!i dun evn noe wht he thnks of me n who i am 4 him...all i wish 4 nw is my Dear God is doing all d best 4 me n 4 him...i owez tell myself dat if he's mine, he'll b mine...im hoping dat 1 day he'll realize wht he misses all d of dis tyme...im owez thr bt he seems 2 b blind...maybe he's holding on too tight wif wht he has...he will loss me if he keeps on doing dat...i wonder y life is dis hard whn it comes 2 all dis dispute...