The Teardrops 4rm My Eyes

Whn i was doing my revision on constitutional law 2 (cuz i got 3.5/15), i was thnkin of listening 2 a song dat reminds me of sum1...teardrops on my guitar by taylor swift...once, whn i decided 2 hav a blog, i made a promise 2 myself...NEVER WRITE ABOUT DIS PARTICULAR PERSON IN UR BLOG...wanna noe y???cuz i dun wan people around me 2 noe hw i really feel bout him now n then...i even dun wan people 2 noe who dis particular person is...ive gone thro a lot in order 4 me 2 forget him bt i just fail...each tyme i wanna 4get him, my feelings just dun let me 2 do so...

Who is he???he's my fren isit???is he sum1 dat makes my life blissful???he's sum1 special isit???is dis guy my beshfren???a close fren or a gud fren???he's sum1 dat is owez thr 4 me isit???who d hell is he???i dun even noe d answer myself...im so sorry...all i can say is no matter hw much he hurts me in my life, i cant hav d guts 2 hate him n dats wht i hate d most bout myself...i dun hav d courage 2 hate or even 2 let him out of my life...

I never feel dis kinda shit in my life...i noe dat ive fall 4 d wrong person...shit!!!each n every minute i remind myself dat he's x worth it emma...he doesnt even thnk bout u...set him free 4rm ur heart cuz thr's other person dat deserves u better den him...open ur heart bt i cant...im incapable 2 do so...FUCK!!!im so helpless...he's d 1st thng dats on my mind whn i wake up everyday n he'll b d last 1 b4 i sleep at nite...

I just cant bare dis feeling myself anymore...FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!i duno wht happen 2 me...seriously...ive been hiding all of dis since 4ever n yeah...i told only 1 single soul (i wont tell ny1 u noe bout it) n i noe u guys noe who i told ait???wanna noe y i really need 2 get him out of me???he's taken...shit!!!FUCK FUCK FUCK...dats d reason y i keep on havin my heart broken each tyme i thnk bout dis n it keeps me cryin evntho i dun wan 2...i noe dis sounds crap bt yeah i noe...im so stupid...i even can feel my tears r on its way rolling down my cheeks nw...dis song really reminds me of him...

"He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see dat I wan n I'm needing evrythin dat we should be, I'll bet she's beautiful, dat girl he talks about n she's got evrythin dat I hav 2 live without..."

"He talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny dat I can't even see any1 wen he's wif me, He says he's so in luv, he's finally got it right, I wonder if he noes he's all I think about at night..."

Dats d 1st 2 verse of d song...dats hw i feel whn im wif him...i hav 2 pretend im happy 4 him n each tyme he talks bout her, im hurt...im broken inside bt wht can i do...im his ears...hes owez wif me...he thks of her n i thnk of him...shit!!!wht hurts me d most is whn he said he cant wait till he meet her again...i feel like im just invisible...im just nuthng bt im owez thr 4 him whnever he needs me...d fuckiest thng is dat he plans his future wif her already...hws dat huh???

"He's d reason 4 d teardrops on my guitar...d only thng dat keeps me wishing on a wishing star, He's d song in the car I keep singing, duno y I do..."

Nope...he doesnt only cause me 2 cry on guitar...he even let me cry on my pillow,evrywhr n whnevr i thnk bout hw he treats me n wht he thnks bout me...i nvr fall 4 sum1 dis hard b4...i wish n i really pray 2 God at nite dat 1 day he will b mine bt i noe dis will b vry hard cuz it seems so impossible...God, plz gracefully help me...

"He walks by me, can he tell dat I can't breathe? n thr he goes, so perfectly, d kind of flawless I wish I could be...She'd better hold him tight, give him all her luv...Look in those beautiful eyes n noes she's lucky..."

Maybe i sound so silly cuz yeah...i admit it dat he's d type of guy dat i really2 wish 4 in my life...he has evry single qualities dat i wan in a person...looks n brain n all...gosh...she's so lucky...i cant help it...i just hope dat 1 day, if im able 2 4get him...i wan sum1 like him bt sadly...he's only 1 in dis whole wide world ait???thrs x othr substitute...dat does hurt...n wht hurt d most???i cant hav him...

"So I drive home alone, as I turn out d light, I'll put his picture down n maybe get some sleep tonight..."

Ive tried all my best 2 4get him...y should i feel dis way???yeah...i hav all d thngs 2 reminds me of him wif me...all dos gifts, photos, names, jokes, songs n all...he craves tons of memories in me n i noe we hav more 2 come...dats wht im afraid of...im afraid of leavin him n im oso afraid dat he'll leave me...gosh...i cant really believe im writing all of dis down...im so dump 2 fall 4 him...i wish i nvr meet him cuz its hard 4 me 2 move on as i really fall 4 him evn more each day...its growin each n evryday...i cant handle it nymore...

All i can say now is dat i seriously wan him bt i noe...dis is a hard 1 cuz he seems 2 hav a perfect life in his own wonderland wif his 'alice'...hes so in luv n its d 1st tyme he feels dis way...he doesnt evn feel d same way i do 2wards him...i feel so bump n all!!!i dun evn noe wht he thnks of me n who i am 4 him...all i wish 4 nw is my Dear God is doing all d best 4 me n 4 him...i owez tell myself dat if he's mine, he'll b mine...im hoping dat 1 day he'll realize wht he misses all d of dis tyme...im owez thr bt he seems 2 b blind...maybe he's holding on too tight wif wht he has...he will loss me if he keeps on doing dat...i wonder y life is dis hard whn it comes 2 all dis dispute...

Aku Rindu Dia

i mish him so much...seriously...yeah...altho we fight a lot if we're 2gthr but dat's d moment i mish a lot now especially whn i need 2 spank people...hehehe...we wrestle,fight,do stupid plans
all 2gther...yup...hehehe...we slalu go merendeq 2gthr dis...owh...lupa me...his name is Edgar Kean Pandang...he was born on 23rd May 2000...he's my younger brother...hehehe..he was born 12 years after me...i duno wht will happened 2 me if he doesnt exist in my life...he is too big 4 his age tapi apa nak buat...he likes 2 eat...just like me...biasa la tu...like sister like brother...


dis is wht i mish d most bout him...yeah...he hates me n i hate him too...hahaha!!!but he owez ask me whn will i be bax home...i noe he misses me too...hahaha!!!bila me mo balit miri,he's d 1 yg plg excited...kalah2 my mum,dad,derek n my other family members...he'll b d 1 yg mandi plg awal n all...hahaha!!!he'll b d 1 yg said 2 my mum, "mummy,whn we wanna go ambik kakak at airport dis???lambat odi bha..."


huhu...dis is his fav...he likes 2 go makan2 n jalan2 wif me...hehehe...seperti biasa...our kerja...we go check all d kdai makan in miri...hehehe...our fav shopping port???kedai cd!!!hehehe...akan kami beli dvd2 chetak rumpak yg bru d pasaran...hehehe...every week la dis...if at home we owez makan2 oso...he'll b d 1 yg me akan bwa makan...i still remember whn he said, "eh...later if u wanna do kuih u tell me aa...ltr u jahat bha...u go makan sorg2..." yup yup...he fall asleep den i went 2 d dapur n buat d kuih my grandma asked me 2 do...tiba2 dia dtg n said, "na kan!!!bulak bha u!!!u said wanna wait 4 me!!!" hehehe... den i said, "kan u tdo td...ltr mama balik, we mkn trus budo..." he reply me..."U JAHAT!!!" utk meredakan keadaan aku pn trus sruh he buat d kuih...kecil2 d kuih jadi dia...ada jg bahan ketawa kmi pd petang itu...


cant wait la 2 jmpa him lg!!!cant wait 2 bully him n all...hehehe...yeah...less den a month lg nie...hehehee...tp bak kata ivy, "study 1st den fun..." dat is seriously true!!!need 2 start now!!!so...adios folks!!!

It is Not as Easy as A B C...

ai kinda read a bulletin posted by one of my frens in Friendster...he said dat starting a new life is not easy cuz he havent find sum1 to make it better n how can he starts it...hurm...i thnk both of us have d same problem...STARTING A NEW LIFE...

yeah...i admit it i was scared at 1st...i planned i could just leave my previous one just like dat...u noe...dumped d bad thngs n starts a new agenda...NOPE...dats x d way...i was wrong at 1st bout how my life should be...i sumtimes keep on blaming myself in whtever stuff dat keeps me down...

maybe my dear fren havent found d people or person dat can make his new life a better 1...bt 4 me...i proudly said i found mine...hehehe...maybe im just a lucky girl kot...lucky enough 2 realize wht i've missed out n i dun have faith in myself before...im sorry cuz ive neglicted U...

who or wht did i found???hurm...d most precious gift of all time...my luv to God...yeah...b4 dis i do luv God bt i kinda neglect sum parts of it...i kinda loss faith n believe in miracle...maybe i was too busy pushing n thnking of how unlucky n stress i am till i forgot i have a fren dat is forever be thr 4 me n luv me d way i am...

in starting my new life...it started whn september ends...i tot i can make it in early september but i fail sumhw...miserable ait???i was kinda having difficulties in sum points of my life during dat time...d worst part of all...i dun have any1 2 share it wif...i was distracted,broken heart n all...at d end...i took a courage 2 tell my shoulder 2 cry on my situation...i thnk God i have him...yeah...i kinda kna marah n all tapi apa yg dia ckp tu seriously betul...i still remember his words..."pa la faedah ko buat tu???ada untung ka???u tell me now..."yeah...i was stunned n got strucked by d feeling of regret...

dats d 1st miracle...d second 1 came a few days after dat...i was alone in my room...3rd day of raya...after i took my shower n all...i tot i wanna starts studying...suddenly i was grabbing d Holy Bible...thnking of nak mengadap Tuhan...so i did my prayers...den...i was telling myself it would be nice if i have a chance 2 visit d church 2day...n guess wht???enong came 2 my room n said...emma jum kita jmpa heather...dia bwa pegi church...i was stunned again...hurm...dats d power of God...thnks be 2 God...

3rd miracle...He granted my wish num 1 in my wish list...thnk you Lord...im going home dis coming 14th November...meeting my family n frens i mish d most...my 2nd n 3rd wish???im still crossing my fingers on it...God...plz help me...amen...

and now...i do noe who will be thr whn i need dem d most...its x my fren yg marah me tu...its God...yeah...im luv wif Him wif all my heart...His luv is d greatest luv of all...my new life is more blissful n contented...full of Him in my heart already...i may sound selfish if i said i dun 1 anythng else bt yeah dats d truth...His luv is enough 4 me 2 get thro all d difficulties in life now...

to d fren dat says he cant starts a new life...seek 4 d thng dat makes u feel u deserve 2 b happy n deserve a better life...all best my fren...luv u till death...xoxo...and dats my story about it cuz it is x as easy as a b c...

Tagged by C.G.L

Tag Tag TagDig Dig DigBag Bag BagBig Big Big
what kind of spell is that *_*

[01] Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to?
+ yeah bt i noe dia urg okay...

[02] Have you ever been given roses?
+ yup yup...given during my bday dulu2...hehehe...

[03] What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
+ I Do (but) I Don't...nice n awesome mvee...

[04] Had a Long Distance Relationship?
+ hehehe...nope bt long distance frenships yes...Gosh~i mish all of u guys...

[05] Do you believe in this saying-What goes around comes around?
+ yup yup...karma tho...

[06] Do you want to get married?
+ 1 day i will i guess bt x nw...i hav lots of other thngs 2 thnk of...

[07] How many kids do you want to have?
+ hurm...duno...3 will be okay...bt its up 2 Him...

[08] Whats your favorite color(s)?
+ brown,blue,black...

[09] Who was the last person you held hands with?
+ ivy...:) <--jeles Joel ltr dis...

[10] Do you believe in love at first sight?
+ yeah...i noe i do cuz i witness 1 of it...:D enong n abz jahyd...:P

[11] Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
+ i dun kiss n tell...hehehe...maybe yes n maybe no...

[12] At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
+ yay!!!hurm...maybe tyme me in primary school kot...

[13] Do you like anyone?
+ yup yup!!!God,plz let me hav him...Amen...

[14] Do you know someone who likes you?
+ yup yup...hehehe...bt i dun wan him...:(

[15] Do you love anyone?
+ yeah...Jesus...He's d luv of my life...

[16] Do they know you like/love them?
+ who???Jesus???yeah...He luves me too...

[17] Why did you and your most recent ex break up?
+ well...its about feelings...

[18] When did you two last speak to one another?
+ cant recall...

[19] Would you get back together with your ex?
+ i dun wan 2...:) lets just forget bout it okay???

[20] What comes to your mind when you think of love?
+ luv hurts...bt i noe my luv 2 Jesus is d greatest luv of all...thnk u God!!!

[21] Is there anyone who knows you inside and out?
+ yeah...daryl...he noes me more den any1 else...

[22] Tag anyone?
+ hurm...can i tag veron alone???

all i want for dis year r...

i cant wait till my semester ends!!!rindu mo balik kmpg halaman(kmpg la sgt Miri e2 kn???)...i cant wait 4 xmas n all!!!cant wait 2 b bax home...cuddling my lil sunshine,playing games wif my brothers,kissing wif my makhluk Tuhan plg seksi,makan2 n hangging around like i dun have nythng gud 2 do...i cant just wait!!!i mish my home damn much!!!!rindu mo p merendeq wif my frens!!!mo bersinta dgn dey ol...lma sdh dis guys!!!

bt b4 dis keriangan starts...kesusahan dan keseksaaan haruslah melanda terlebih dahulu...pelbagai rintangan n cabaran harus aku lalui b4 me balik Miri dis!!!mo menangis nie aku...i really wanna go bax!!!x lma lg finals...mula2 ctu,den torts,den contract(blum study nie),den consti(yarabi astaga),den mls lastly mandarin...antara smua nie,me plg takut contract,consti n mandarin!!! i duno y!!!maybe i need 2 study more...ssh nie...ppr starts 29th oct n ends at 11th nov...pray hard tho so i can do my best in all pprs...God,plz be wif me...Amen...

i promise myself dat i will do d best i could...tinggal lg 3 weeks b4 finals nie...27 days 2 go...dh masuk gear 3 dh nie...next week gear 4 n d next week gear 5...finals nnti i hope i can score...i promised 2 sum1 yg i will do my best...kna buktikn it la...hehe...nasib baik nie urg ada...mun x,x ku tauk pa mok jd ngn aku eh...skema kenen aku nie skrg...mo jd nerd nie tuk 6 minggu...dun mess around wif me tuk 1 n a half month nie...siap sedia la kna sound...im tired of messing around dis...

if i am given free 3 wishes nw...my 1st wish will b i wanna b wif my beloved family...damn!!!cepat la...nda buleh tunggu lg nie...2nd...i wanna get gud results dis sem...maybe i dun deserve it cuz aku kuat men2 nie tp bg la aku peluang tuk lulus...3rd...hurm...yg nie ssh ckit...i wan him!!!!shiat!!!can i have him???sa mo chenta dia ble ka???God plz help me!!!im helpless!!!astaga yarabi!!!seriously dis time i really2 thnk God if i can have dis 3 wishes granted!!!dats all im asking for especially 4 xmas!!!klau nda dpt jg aku x tau la...maybe yg 3rd 1 ssh ckit...lembab btul e2 org...tp harap2 Tuhan buka la mata n hati dia sblm org len dpt aku kenen...rugi ja dia nnti nie bila dia sedar lmbt...

lg 1 yg btl2 aku nda sabar lg nie...cant wait 4 half of my 2nd family 2 b wif me in shah alam!!!setahun nie berpisah...it hurts a lot tho...penat nie bersabar tp i owez told ogy dat Tuhan sayang org yg sabar nie...huhu...penyiksaan yg teramat sgt...dh la hav 2 go thro byk bnda...huhuhu...i feel blessed whn im wif dem...dey noe hw 2 cheer me up n makes me a stress-free person...yg plg best dey noe hw 2 calm me down n listen 2 my problems...mmg ada yg snggup listen 4 me nw bt i dun feel comfortable 2 tell dem my kesusahan cuz i noe dey have theirs too...mana x...bila me wanna crita,dey hav their own agenda n dey pula yg starts 2 crita 2 me...if i have d others here,i too hav my shoulders 2 cry on...cant wait guys!!!wish u guys r hre wif me already...all d best 4 final exams in kedah...luv u guy till death!!!yg d salam plak...jan men2 lg...sma jg...buat bgs2 n stop blur2...jum starts nw!!!bangun!!!