It's October Already Isnt It???

Waw...for such a long tyme in my life i havnt wrote in my blog...too busy wif school...huhuhu...im sorry cuz i kinda neglect dis place dat had becoming my addiction once upon a tyme b4...sorry blog...hehehe...

Updates???Hurm...lots of it...lots of changes in life...lots of dramatic things happened in my life...i regret some of my stupidness n im blisfull wif some parts of my life...problems come and go...my 4th sem in UiTM Shah Alam???well...more of ups n downs...luckily i have cool classmates dat keep me happy n witty all the tyme...if x i'll kill myself for sure...hahahaa!!!

Frens???Hw can i described them???some are ok n some are x but mostly not...i had dis fucking huge fight for almost 1 month wif a fren...now i released dat i cant life w/out him...we're ok nw but it did bring a big impact in our frenship...we're more apart den bt it's ok...i've learnt 4rm my mistake...

My other frens???problems too but im sure we all can get through it...THINK WIF OUR BRAIN AND NOT OUR HEART...im sure we cn get through...

Final is just around d corner...i hope i'll do well...huhu...go emma!!!

I Really Should Have Listen to My Mummy...

My mum told me few weeks before that I shouldnt be too close with a somebody. I was like defending myself and him. She told me that I should kinda have gabs with him. Now, I believe her. I think she's right. Just so damn right. Ive started to realise something has to be done. Mummy was always right.

I've realized something. I should have not be too close with him. Too much things had been said and done between me and him. I think I should step back a bit. Recently, I just want to scream to his face and make him realized he hurts me too damn much.

Things like too much excuses, too much I have other plans, all those lies and all those blank promises. That is so selfish dude. Go. Go and have fun with your friends that seems to be there with you when you really need help. Let us see whether you can live without me.

OMG! I've been there for you in too many ways. I've given too much because you have a special place in my heart. What the hell am I thinking? I think I have to think back on this one because you seems to take all of it for granted.

I just wanna say thanks to my mum. She made me realize this one. Thanks mummy and I love you! And to this dear friend, sorry dude. Case seems to be closed and I guess everything will be different for you.

In few days time (when I'm ready to let you go), there will be no more goodnite textes, how's your day greetings, plans of going out and all of the things we used to do before. I'm just too bored with all of it already.

I'll leave you just to see if we're both better without each other. In my opinion, there will be not even a single person that will do what I've done with you. I'm so sorry of letting you suffer like this and I believe you have better people around you. You'll forget me fast actually. Trust me.

a simple note for everyone

__frens, gudluck for final exams guys...we can do it...may God's blessing be with us...amen__

++dearest ogy, happy bday in advance...luv u till death...keep up dos stupid,crazee jokes k???luv u sweetheart++

__my family in miri...i mish all of u n i cant wait to be home!!!ai!!!__

++to myself...emma, boleh tu...usaha lebih ckit...gear up babe!!!luv u emma!!!++

__my BSS family (shah alam + kedah) again, all the best for final n study smart ya guys...my hsemates...let us burn the night oil n candles...hehehe...bising2 pn x pa...my lalink sae n frens in kedah...cant wait for u guys...buat betul2 tau...__

++huhu...i'll x be writing dis blog for a long tyme ltr...final exam is just in 2 days tyme...OMG!!!tyme flies kan???huhu...i wish i can do my best...++

__im so much in troubles actually but i kinda settled some of it...thanks 2 all yg involved...my frens n 'fiance'...terima kasih kamu semua...__

++this year seems to suck so damn much...i hope after half year pass i'll be ok...x more unwanted problems n all...pray hard to God...++

__i think i'll better stop nw...im gonna mish writing lar~ hua hua hua...bubye!!!__

++out!!!++

going back to where i really belong

im so excited lar!!!i finally can say IM COMING BACK HOME!!!i mish dem so damn much bha...believe it or not it's been i dunno maybe 4 months or 5 since i last met them...only God noes hw much i cant wait 2 get home n i wana kacau edgar(yup...yg tdo ni edgar) n wana go jln2 wif him...wait a mok...im coming back 4 revenge!!!hahaha!!!

and dis 1 of coz...dat always drive me off the walls!!!i mish his innocentness...Gosh~ i really cant wait!!!mesti he gemuk sdh nw...:P

my new angel...Joycelyn...huhu...aunty misses u so much dear!!!i noe u're a big girl odi!!!sob3~~~really n seriously cant wait 2 hold her in my arms!!!arrghh!!!i hate dis feeling!!!

and of coz...dis crazy buddies!!!mick,olive n my dearest toi!!!apu...seriously!!!!!!!!knapa bha begitu lma!!!!i wanna hug dem all!!!i'll be going back 2 miri dis 9th May 2009...im looking 4ward 2 meet ALL of dem...my anak2 n cuzzies lain...i texted my cuzzies straight away after i confirmed my ticket...:D

so...Miri...here i come!!!

xoxo!!!

p/s: b4 dat menderita dlu 4 final!!!arrghh!!!tension lg!!!

bila org cakap buruk pasal org yg kta plg syg

i was having dis phone conversation wif a girl yg mengaku dia ex-gf my close fren...sengaja sy srh dia brcrita pjg lebar...byk bnda yg sy fikir dia tipu sy sbb pa yg she told me 2 mmg mcm bkn btul sbb my dear fren x buat pn bnda2 mcm 2...all i noe is dia mmg akn respect org...girls especially...selama sy knl dgn dia, he nvr does nythng yg bleh buat me hilang respect wif him...

maybe dia jahat in certain ways dlu...i admit dis...bt x penah terlintas pn dlm my mind yg dia akn bwa pompuan msk bilik dia n buat bnda yg bukan2...i noe kalau pn dia sgt2 syg org tu, he x kn buat mcm tu...i evr went 2 his hse n hang out bt xda la smpi mcm 2...he pn slalu g my hse siap stay over lg...klau dia btl2 jht,lma sdh dia buat jht to me kan?lma kot sy knal dia...tell me mna tmpt yg kmi x penah pegi brsama alone...dia x penah over2 n i noe 4rm dat he's a gud guy...klau dgn me he can buat mcm tu, knapa dia x bleh respect org len kan?

in my opinion, dis girl frust sbb dia xdpt a gud relationship wif him...dia yg buat hal n nw x nak mengaku but dats their past...all i wana noe is knapa dia suka libatkn dis guy in any matters...geram oo sy...adakah ptt she said lyke dat...smpi dia ckp phone number dia pn kna reg under my fren's name...huuhuu...grow up will u bt as if i care if she tipu me bt pentingkah if u tell me?bukan ada effect pn dgn sy...ko yg nmpknya kenot buang him 4rm ur life...

maybe jg dia mk buat me jeles kot memandangkn byk bnda she said mesti psl my close fren...dia ckp she broke up wif her bf pn psl him,dia pnya num pn reg under my fren's name, her 2st luv pn him, bla bla bla...huuhuu...if she nak tau, nuthng will makes me hilang my trust n respect to him cuz i noe he's a great n noble guy...dia byk bg me courage in life 2 keep me go on dr smua aspects...if org tu x buat buruk dgn kita,buat pa kan we wanna jht2 wif dem?

__I NEED ADVICE AND RESPECT__

I duno whr I should begin. My life now is quit miserable. Maybe I was the one yg create all the problems and mess. Skrg nie maybe klau ada yg perasan, Im more alone n I seldom talk. Sy berfikir bha tu. Klau di rumah, I kinda dlm bilik and all. If outside I'll be alone too. I need time alone and think. Mcm2 jd skrg nie. Byk gila my personal problems now. I hope i can cope up wif all of it. I need advice actually from all of you. I really feel I'm in the middle of nowhere now.

1st, my family problem. Ive just lost my 1st grandson yesterday. I still cant believe I had a grandson tapi sy ttp terima dia but belum smpt jumpa lg, he passed away already. Dahlah post morterm x dpt buat cepat2, kesian budak tu. Baru jak 9 days old. Kesian. May God blessed his soul. Remember dear, eventho 'nenek' x pernah jmpa kmu and i dunno ur name but I'll always remember you cuz u've been part of us. Amen.

2nd, still my family problem. I duno wht 2 say 2 her. Dia yg plg rapat wif me la if my cuzzen yg pompuan. Kmi2 ja msa tu. She's 5 years older den me. She told me about another cuzzen yg pernah couple dgn dia dlu2. Ingat lg sy msa tu, I was the 'akak postman'. Heehee. Dia ni cuzzen belah my mum pnya datuk n d guy is 1 of our relatives la. Sma kpg. Rumah dia sebelah rmh kmi. Long story short. He left her for anothr woman. Now, after few years, he told my other cuzzen yg dia menyesal kawin wif d wife. He menyesal kasi tinggal c Adel. After dos fucking years bha, anak dah 3 org bru tau menyesal? Jenis lelaki apakah itu kwn2? He left her when she really need him last time. My cuzzen told him dat pa guna nak menyesal skrg nie? Dua2 dah ada keluarga sendiri. Biarlah pa yg dey pernah kongsi jd sweet memories. Mmg betul kan pa dia ckp? She asked me bout dis. I said yeah, she was right. I told her she didnt lost nythng. My othr cuzzen yg rugi. Adel baik sgt2 dgn dia. She even waited 4 him for like few years tp he blum lg nmpk pa2. I hope ive given d correct advice. Korg agree x?

3rd, my own personal problem. Ntah knp I feel i wanna share it wif all of u. I noe u guys tau kan siapa lelaki yg plg rapat wif me? I think x perlu la sy mention sapa but i noe u guys noe sapa ait? For me he's my mirror. Dia btl2 reflect me. He noes my way of thinking. Yup. Mmg sy syg dia. Sy syg dia mcm sy syg Jonat n Georgy. Tapi I dun understand y people x phm our situation. Tolonglah phm bleh ka? I dun hve my bestfrens wif me hre. Dats y i turn 2 him on everythng. Skati jak ckp yg bukan2 psl kmi. Kmi pn ada perasaan bha. Jgn la buat mcm tu. Maybe korg nmpk kmi slalu bersama so u guys assume we have dis special romance feelings n romantic relationship but actually xda. Kmi rapat as gud frens. Kmi even more den bestfrens. Mmg our relationship xda mcm kwn n we both admit it kmi mmg mcm couple sbb we're both comfortable wif each others n we share everythng. Maybe salah us oso kot but apa slh kmi? Dari dlu lg kmi mcm tu. Hw can we change our relationship? Kmi ignore n pekakkn our telinga tp d more we buat mcm tu, d more u guys seems 2 disrespect our feelings. Ok lg if bnda nie between kita kwn2 BUT nw mcm smua org dh ingt kmi as couple. We both dun wan our parents fikir lain2 sbb our parents tau kmi sgt2 rapat. Just dat jgn bcuz of dis rumours since dlu2 yg x penah lapuk n nw makin truk, kmi pnya relationship kna ruin. We will nvr salahkn ourselves but always remember kmi mmg akan salahkn c pembawa mulut2 ini. I need ur respect n advice on dis matter. Tolong us k? Hentikan smua nie sbb kmi pn ada perasaan. Tolong sebarkan kesakitan hati kmi ini kpd rakan2, kwn2,teman2 dan yg seangkatan ya agar kmi dpt hidup dgn tenang.

4th, disebabkan bnda yg atas nie, I kinda distance myself wif a guy. I noe sum of u duno bout Jay. Long story short. Kmi prnh ada relationship. I just dun wanna think bout nie lg actually but faith brings me to him again. Tapi lepas pa yg jd di atas, sy ckp psl dia pn mcm x guna. U guys seem to dun understand bha. I'm trying my best 2 stay wif Jay n open my heart dkt dia tp korg ckp len plak. Masih lg ckp psl me dgn org len. Korg even x caya i was wif Jay n dis effect my relationship wif him. N now wana noe wht my decision is? To stay wif wht i hve nw. Im leaving Jay. Hw can I stay in a relationship if bnda2 len ada menganggu? Fikir2 la korg. Sy syg dia tp if dia dpt tau psl rumours nie, siapa yg kna? Of coz me n d innocent party kan? Org2 yg menyebarkn rumours? U guys get nuthng. We both yg akan kna. Untuk save both my relationships, I hve to stay frens wif both. Did i did a right thing?

the story so far

hey!!! its thursday nite and i just wanna update all of you bout my pending stuff!!!hehehe....so far so good guys!!!

okay...first thing first...

1. buy n post my dad's punya pesanan
__havent yet!!!no tyme...seriously!!!___
2. post back my car's doc to miri
__yes...ill be going 2 d post office 2morrow wif daryl__
3. buat my drama's both literature and mandarin scripts
__passed up literature's n mandarin 1 blum abz lg...ok la...ada progress__
4. finish my BEL's outline
__done!!!claps2!!!__
5. revision for my mandarin
__mcm cilaka!!!i did badly!!!:(( repeat la aku nie...__
6. assignment politics
__tinggal nak buat lg__

next...my plan...

1. starts a termendously healthy diet
__berjaya tapi nw tgh mkn fries...hahaha!!!__
2. be serious in my study
__masih blom menyesal...:(__
3. attend all my classes
__ive skipped my admin's class...so stupid__
4. if can i wanna let God decide wht will actually happen to me n him
__ada sign but coudnt get it cuz he keeps on texting me...apakah itu???__

im burning my weekends dis week...i'll be having my criminal's test dis coming saturday n im gonna be at intec sec 17 for lex familia day dis sunday...:( mesti penat...

next week pula:

1. replacement for criminal - monday
2. BEL's presentation...monday kna jmpa mdm bharjan tuk discuss outline...
3. mandarin listening and writing test...mampus la aku...

i'll write more later ok???chao...:)
wish me luck!!!